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Philadelphia’s drinking water was contaminated by a chemical spill in the Delaware River. Until further notice, city residents are advised to shoot their water before drinking it.

Florida may ban elementary school students from learning about or discussing menstruation. Three girls were already suspended for asking who the substitute teacher is for first period English.

A Family Dollar worker fatally shot a shoplifter. The store is closed, but a line is forming outside for customers wanting Dollar Shots.

Ye – formerly Kanye West – said he now likes Jews again after watching Jonah Hill’s performance in 21 Jump Street. Then he watched Hill in The Sitter and he’s on the fence again.

A 4-year-old hacked his Mom’s Amazon Prime account and ordered 51 boxes of SpongeBob popsicles. Two days later she received 51 boxes of SpongeBob popsicles and a Hitachi personal massager.

Walkouts among German airport, bus & railway workers brought the nation to a standstill Monday, as citizens struggle to cope with the Notten Muvin strike.

Actor Jeremy Renner shared video of his physical therapy, walking on an anti-gravity treadmill, as he recovers from injures suffered after being run over by a snowplow. Renner walked for 30 minutes then wiped the machine down before a guy who got run over by a truck used it.

Two Cuban migrants successfully fled their country and arrived at Key West Airport aboard a motorized hang glider. Air traffic controllers guided the two men aboard Spirit Airlines flight 544.

A woman who bit off the earlobe of a female Nordstrom security guard after being apprehended shoplfting was sentenced to 70 months in prison. The guard doesn’t want the earring back that the shoplifter swallowed.

The FDIC said First Citizens Bank has agreed to purchase troubled Silicon Valley Bank, and two days later had already collected $100 million in SVB overdraft fees.

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Collectibles maker Funko Pop will destroy $30 million worth of figurines to save money on storage space. They plan to recycle the plastic and make a dozen rare new Funko Pops of Brendan Fraser in The Whale.

Fraser took home the Best Actor Oscar for his portrayal of a dying morbidly obese man, then announced to avoid typecasting he declined the lead role in a biography of Marlon Brando.

The state of Delaware declined to renew a vegan car owner’s LUVTOFU vanity plate, because it could be interpreted as “love to f*** you”, and because the DMV fails to believe anyone genuinely loves tofu.

Apple is reportedly bringing new health-awareness features to its AirPods headphones, including the potential to test user’s hearing, and alerting them that they’re about to get hit by a bus.

A couple renovating their new Arkansas home opened a wall and found hundreds of empty Camel cigarette boxes and Viagra packages. They were even more shocked to learn it was the bedroom of the previous owner’s 11-year-old daughter.

Pope Francis marked his ten-year anniversary on the job, but he’ll probably just spend a quiet night at home with the boys.

Memphis Grizzlies Ja Morant lost his sponsorship deal with Coca-Cola’s Powerade, but is rumored to be working on a new ad where he sips 5 Hour Energy for the boost he needs to punch a 17-year-old kid in the face.

A customer is suing Buffalo Wild Wings over their use of the name ‘Boneless wings’ – saying they’re made from breast meat, not wing meat. BWW’s attorneys are privately relieved the suit doesn’t challenge if they’re actually made of chicken.

Federal regulators seized the assets of Silicon Valley Bank. Worse, the Consumer Product Safety Commission recalled the toasters they were giving out for opening new accounts.

Blac Chyna is undergoing treatments to remove silicone injections from her buttocks as well as breast reduction surgery. She’s losing so much size she’s changing her name from Blac Chyna to Blac Jypan.