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DCPA, a pesticide widely used by vegetable farmers, has been banned by the FDA because it poses serious damage to fetuses – especially Cabbage Patch Kids.

Boeing executives returned to Congress to answer questions about aircraft safety. Common answers to the safety questions included “no, they’re not”.

New Boeing CEO Kelly Ortberg spent his first day on the job walking the factory floor where the manufacturer’s controversial 737 Max jets are made. He spent extra time talking to workers who apply the staples and duct tape that hold aircraft doors in place.

Auntie Anne’s launched a new perfume, ‘knead’ that smells like pretzels. Women can wear it, but their boyfriends would still rather eat the pretzels.

Florida International University officially sold their stadium naming rights to Pitbull, and the facility will be known as Pitbull Stadium. It’s only the second known Pitbull Stadium for football players after Michael Vick’s was shut down.

Newly installed Hamas terror leader Yahya Sinwar is viewed as “less willing to compromise” than his predecessor. This leads to speculation that a cease fire with Israel may not happen, and that pizza won’t be allowed at Hamas lunch meetings.

‘Wardrobing’ retail fraud – wearing new clothing with tags on & hidden, then returning it – increases in the summer, and especially with beachwear. This, according to women wondering how their new bikini already has sand in the crotch.

Federal agents arrested leaders of a bicoastal U.S. drug ring, who smuggled cocaine and meth inside of large Bluetooth karaoke speakers. The drug ring’s official slogan was Don’t Stop Believin’.

The family of a crew member filed a wrongful death lawsuit against the owners of the doomed Titan ocean submersible craft that imploded last year, saying there were signs it was going to fail. Subpoenas were issued to sharks who attached bibs to their necks when they heard the fiberglass Titan craft begin to crack.

Taylor Swift cancelled shows in Vienna after reports of a planned terror attack. Al Qaeda claimed responsibility for the plot, according to leader Ayatollah Sheikh Atoff.

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Pope Francis revealed confidential details of the secret papal voting conclave in an interview for an upcoming book. He claims he was asked to participate in a scheme to block the election of Pope Benedict in 2005 – but Mike Pence refused to help.

Donald Trump’s $175 million bond to appeal his New York State financial fraud conviction was issued by high interest auto lender Knight Insurance Group. Details weren’t revealed but it’s believed to cost him 20% every month, but they’re throwing in a repossessed Pontiac Aztek.

Regulators are concerned over the growing popularity of smokeless, tobacco-free nicotine pouches such as Zyn among young people, creating a new wave of nicotine addiction. Zyn pouches surpassed Takis as the most-traded-for item in junior high cafeterias.

Executive consultancy McKinsey is cutting staff, but is paying them to find new jobs. The bad news is they have to pay other McKinsey consultants $500/hour to help them.

‘Selling Sunset’ celebrity realtor Christine Quinn obtained a restraining order against husband Christian Dumontet after his violent outbursts. Quinn has downgraded their marriage from ‘fixer upper’ to ‘total teardown’.

Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky is lowering the draft age for the national army, fortifying troop levels, but making high school girls soccer teams less competitive.

Researchers discovvered that the nutrients in vegetables such as green beans, broccoli and asparagus have dropped significantly over the last 50 years. This evidence was presented to a young couple by their 3rd-grader as he lobbied to have Froot Loops for dinner.

200 musicians authored an open letter calling on tech companies to refrain from irresponsible use of Artificial Intelligence. The letter was signed by artists including Billie Eilish, Nicki Minaj, hologram Tupac and the four avatars who now make up KISS.

New York’s Metropolitan Transit Authority, MTA, wants to charge runners in the NYC Marathon for crossing the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge. Or if they don’t want to pay up, swim across the Hudson River and call it the NYC Two-Thirds Of A Triathlon.

NFL Network ‘Good Morning Football’ host Jamie Erdahl described complications surrounding the emergency c-section birth of her daughter on March 30th. Her daughter is healthy, but her co-host’s use of the telestrator as she told the story was awkward.