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A bipartisan group of U.S. Senators want to ban social media use for children 13 & under. The legislation is opposed by pedophiles, who question how they’d meet young men & women.

The Stone of Scone arrived in London for King Charles’ coronation ceremony. Afterward, guests at the King’s Reception will be treated to tea and Scones of Stone.

Tim Bachman, co-founder of Bachman Turner Overdrive, passed away at age 71. His son Ryder said his last words were “I love you…please share the music” .. disappointing fans hoping they were “I’ll be takin’ care of business”.

An Arkansas mortuary worker is accused of shipping 20 boxes of human body parts to a buyer in Pennsylvania for $11,000. In a positive online review, the buyer was pleased at being able to buy brains, livers & skin without paying an arm and a leg.

A woman allegedly had a loud, full-body orgasm while attending an L.A. Philharmonic perfomance of Tchaikovsky’s 5th Symphony. The venue manager said it was unexpected, and the sort of thing that usually only happens at Air Supply concerts.

Hundreds of Catholics showed up to protest at Boston’s SatanCon, then wrapped it up to go hear a sermon from a guy who knows a lot of child molesters.

The Chino Valley, Arizona school district is trying to attract teachers by building a cluster of 400 square foot “tiny homes” that district teachers can rent for $500/month. Teachers receive a starting salary of $550/month.

Nick Cannon celebrated the birthday of his 12-year-old twins by renting out an entire Six Flags theme park – one flag for each of his baby-mamas.

A man with a self-described ‘micropenis’ went viral after he participated in a Reddit “Ask Me Anything” to explain how he meets women. He said he tries to screen for women who prefer sucking on jellybeans instead of chewing them.

Aerosmith announced a multi-city Farewell Tour. No word on opening acts, although they’ve been approached by KISS who are currently wrapping up their own Farewell Tour.

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Starbucks is closing 16 stores because of employee safety concerns stemming from open drug use in the stores. Starbucks is also considering dropping the popular Mocha Fentanyl Latte from other locations.

NASA shared its first images from the James Webb Space Telescope, the largest ever built. Included were an alien planet, a galactic cluster, and a veritable who’s-who of famous women who forgot to close their curtains.

Tiger Woods ripped LIV Golf players who ‘turned their back’ on the PGA Tour and major championships in order to cash in on the Saudi-funded tour. Woods said he would never turn his back on a golf tour, only on his wife or several girlfriends.

Elon Musk said Donald Trump should “hang up his hat and sail into the sunset”. Trump angrily declined, saying he’s scared of boats.

A 23-year-old Maryland man was rescued after falling into Italy’s Mount Vesuvius volcano crater trying to retrieve the smartphone he dropped. Ancient Gods from the great beyond said he lived because you can’t sacrifice morons to the volcano.

Abbey Gile, ex-girlfriend of New York Jets QB Zach Wilson. claims Wilson cheated on her with Wilson’s mom’s best friend. Gile has already sold her screenplay “QB Bangs His Mom’s Best Friend” to be made into a Pornhub Movie Of The Week.

Ania Palus, a lawyer briefly removed from the Wimbledon Men’s Tennis final for drunk-heckling Australia’s Nick Kyrgios, said she was “supporting him”. Palus then left Wimbledon to go to a local comedy club and “support” the comedians there.

A preview of Season 2 of Hulu’s The Kardashians features Kim Kardashian asking boyfriend Pete Davidson if she wants to shower with him. Davidson replies by asking how wide the shower is.

Owners of Tony Luke’s Cheesesteaks in South Philadelphia plead guilty after being sued by the IRS for tax evasion. They also settled with the Food & Drug Administration on charges of nutrition evasion.

Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider criticized performers like Ozzy Osbourne and KISS for having multiple “farewell” tours, likening KISS not going away to holding a “fart in a paper bag”. Meanwhile KISS fans attending their Farewell Tour can pay $40 to buy Paul Stanley’s or Gene Simmons’ farts in a paper bag.

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NASA said a newly-discovered planet with ‘iron rainfall’ is even more extreme than they thought, based on the countless numbers of umbrellas it’s broken.

After adding the Impossible Whopper to its menu two years ago, Burger King is testing Impossible plant-based chicken nuggets. Burger King says this aligns with their strategy of making their whole menu Impossible to eat.

Congress agreed to a temporary lifting of the federal debt ceiling until December, saving Christmas.

A Federal judge temporarily blocked Texas’ controversial ban on abortions for fetuses older than six weeks. He issued his ruling from the waiting room at Planned Parenthood.

Florida cops searching for fugitive Brian Laundrie say they’ve found a “fresh camping site” in the Carlton Reserve swamps. They found tanning spray and bleached blond hair with split ends, and determined the campsite was Dog The Bounty Hunter’s.

KISS frontman Paul Stanley told website Ultimate Classic Rock the exact date when the band is over – January 1st, 1993.

Bank of America raised its minimum wage for workers to $21/hour – so, thanks to ‘bankers hours’, workers can rake in up to $42/day.

A corporate executive was the only person on a 386-seat widebody aircraft flight from Abu Dhabi to Singapore on Etihad Airways. Unfortunately, his carry-on was deemed too big for the overhead compartment and he was forced to gate-check it.

Old Country Buffet was acquired by a restaurant holding company, who said they have no plans to revive it. They did say they planned to remove people from closed locations who still refused to leave until they brought out more fried shrimp.

Wednesday, October 6th marked the first anniversary of Eddie van Halen’s death, and the end of terrible year-long tribute guitar solos from tone-deaf hacks.

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KISS canceled a show when frontman Paul Stanley tested positive for COVID-19. Gene Simmons’ COVID test still isn’t done because he keeps sticking out his tongue and knocking away the nose swab.

A viral video shows two boys at the Little League World Series staring at a smartphone photo of a large-breasted woman. The boys swiped left and moved on to other profile photos of Little League groupies.

Porn actor Ron Jeremy was indicted for over 30 counts of sexual assault. More charges are expected after prosecutors finish watching The Ron Jeremy Collection: Volume II.

California’s Caldor Fire caused evacuation warnings for the Lake Tahoe area. Residents can either evacuate, or scuba-dive in the lake.

Rochelle Wallensky, Director of the Centers for Disease Control, said something needs to be done to curb gun violence in the U.S. – saying she’s opposed to increasing numbers of citizens being vaccinated with hot lead.

Raymond Vannieuwenhoven, 84, received consecutive life sentences after his saliva from the envelope of a Police Performance survey linked him to the 1979 murder scene. He’s asked to change his rating of police work from Average to Very Good.

Philadelphia International Airport will soon be welcoming Afghani refugees. If they thought waiting for the flight from Kabul was bad, imagine how long they’ll be waiting for their checked bags.

A new study finds female hummingbirds that look like males face less “social harassment”. Cute, feminine hummingbirds are now wearing flannel shirts and crew cuts so they can be left alone and collect more nectar.

Kanye West seemingly recreated his wedding to Kim Kardashian at the most recent ‘Donda‘ album listening party. After the party, security was overwhelmed by dark-haired women with large butts attempting to recreate the wedding night.

Celebrity plastic surgeon Dr. Leonard Hochstein – known as the “Boob God” – is being sued for medical malpractice for allegedly damaging a woman’s legs and labia during a thigh lift. He’s now known as Boob God & Crotch Wrecker.

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Nintendo launched Nintendo Switch Online – its first-ever subscription service for console gameplay. Parents say the service is affordably priced at $19.99/year, but are concerned some of their kids have injured their heads repeatedly hitting them on boxes to come up with the money.

Nintendo added that the most popular racer in Mario Kart 8 is President Trump’s penis.

New Jersey authorities and citizens are on the lookout for an alligator spotted roaming in Southern New Jersey. State wildlife officials describe the reptile as “a large alligator with multiple gold chains.”

Maroon 5 is rumored to be the next Super Bowl halftime act. Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, site of the Super Bowl, is testing to see if the restrooms can handle the 30,000 additional people leaving their seats to not watch it.

Delta Airlines raised its checked baggage fees from $25 to the first checked bag to $30. Additional bags cost $40, up from $35. The good news is that animals dying on Delta flights no longer count as checked bags.

For Jimmy Fallon’s birthday on September 19th, he asked only that people perform a random act of kindness. So throughout America, people took the remote from their partner and shut off The Tonight Show.

Cargill Meat Solutions is recalling 132,600 pounds of ground beef products following an E. coli outbreak. The recall is the basis for the new “Look, it’s not us for once!” ad campaign at Chipotle.

The NFL is closing its 40,000 square foot ‘NFL Experience’ in New York’s Times Square.  The $37-per-ticket attraction was intended to replicate stepping out of the locker room and onto the field of an NFL stadium. Visitors were dissatisfied with having to pay for painkilling injections and CTE scans to take the field.

Coca-Cola is reportedly interested in investing in cannabis-infused soft drinks. Executives are excited over the profit potential in selling soda by the gram.

KISS announced their farewell ‘End of the Road World Tour’ on America’s Got Talent – and were voted off in favor of a 12-year-old girl ventriloquist.

America’s Got Talent’s newest champion is 26-year-old Shin Lim, a Canadian-born close-up magician; the runner-up is Zucaroh, an Austrian acrobatic group. The show concluded with a press conference from U.S.-citizen finalists calling for tighter immigration control.