Five cars rented by Joe Biden’s Secret Service detail burst into flames after they were returned to the Nantucket Airport. Worse, they didn’t pay for the insurance from Hertz.

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian finalized their divorce settlement, with West paying $200,000 each month in child support. Kardashian insists the settlement is amicable, but then enrolled their kids in Hebrew school.

Mitch McConnell was called a loser by Donald Trump for saying that Trump’s dinner with anti-Semites Kanye West & Nick Fuentes aren’t the behavior of someone who would be elected President – but it’s probably okay if they’re running for Governor of North Dakota.

San Francisco approved a measure enabling SFPD’s use of remote-controlled robots to apply lethal force when necessary. In other news, SFPD projects a 30% one-week decline in homeless panhandlers.

Dr. Mehmet Oz is reportedly failing in an effort to relaunch his tv show after being defeated in a run for U.S. Senate. In the meantime he’ll launch a newsletter so you can stay abreast of which of supplements will let you poop your way to weight loss.

The Washington D.C. Police Department is reportedly trying to poach Philadelphia police officers by offering a $20,000 hiring bonus. Philly cops are interested, but prefer the bonuses be delivered as cash stuffed in a paper bag behind a Wawa.

Oath Keepers leader Stewart Rhodes was found guilty of seditious conspiracy, and could face decades in prison, where he’ll likely make and keep an oath of monogamy to his cellmate.

Three women will referee a men’s World Cup match for the first time – a huge leap forward in showing a global audience that women can be just as terrible officiating soccer as men.

Developers are planning a supertall skyscraper in Austin, Texas, believed to
be over 980 feet high. From the observation deck, you’ll be able to view more
hipsters at once than anywhere else in the world.

A new experimental drug appears to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s in a
clinical trial. Patients receiving the drug were 75% more likely than a
placebo-control group to recall specific plot points in NCIS and Matlock
episodes.