Friday Jokes: November 15

Officials in Aruba are investigating the death of a woman aboard a Princess Cruises ship. She fell from a high deck and landed on a lifeboat. Those same officials on the case are also considering using a different name for ‘lifeboat’. 

Facebook announced that they will outsource decisions regarding content policy to an independent firm.  “Yep, that’s racist alright” said the independent firm several million times already. 

Hotel chains in China apologized after media platform Weibo posted a long video of staff wiping silverware, glasses & bathroom fixtures with dirty towels instead of cleaning them. Hyatt, Waldorf-Astoria & Sheraton all said the workers know better and those rhesus monkeys will be retrained. 

Jennie-O recalled 91 thousand pounds of raw ground turkey products for possible salmonella contamination – ruining the sad Thanksgiving plans of people planning their meal around turkey burgers. 

An 8-foot terracotta statue of an owl in Kikinda, Serbia is drawing criticism for its resemblance to an erect penis. Some are demanding it be removed, others like it, and some women are searching local gift shops to see if there are smaller versions of it they can bring home. 

Facebook Messenger is readying a feature where contacts can simultaneously co-view videos. They’re said to be releasing it just as soon as they can make the controls easily operable with one hand. 

Tinder announced it’s testing a new feature called Swipe Surge, that sends alerts when larger volumes of users are actively looking for hookups — such as music festivals, sporting events, or the 16 hours a day when men are awake. 

Toyota unveiled its redesign of the world’s most popular car – the 2020 Corolla Sedan. “Wow, I can’t wait to test drive it!” said people who just want to get where they’re going. 

New Orleans airport now offers alligators as ‘therapy animals’ to de-stress passengers prior to boarding flights. The gators can rip a leg off of a traveler so that he/she qualifies to board early and get an overhead bin.

A paraplegic passenger on budget airline FlyDubai claims he was unable to access the lavatory during flight, forcing him to urinate in a bottle. A spokesperson for FlyDubai defended the airline, saying that they allow passengers to have a full bottle of Coke. 

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