Wednesday Jokes: November 28

A U.S. man vacationing in Australia survived multiple injuries after falling from a hang glider ride;  he’d hung on for 4 minutes after the pilot forgot to strap him in. The pilot defended himself, saying he’d turned on the fasten seat belt sign. 

Republican Cindy Hyde-Smith won the Mississippi run-off election for the state’s second U.S. Senate seat, despite making racially charged comments about public hangings and Confederate history. Declaring victory, she told supporters “the South shall rise again.”

He Jankui, the Chinese scientist who stunned the world by claiming he created the first gene-edited babies defended his actions, saying he did so to prevent them from contracting HIV…and to make them taller…and hot. 

Bruce Springsteen revealed in an Esquire interview that he struggles with mental health issues. He stated there was period of time in his songwriting when his depression completely shut down his ability to compare women to automobile engines. 

Pierce Brosnan reunited with his three on-screen stepchildren – Mara Wilson; Lisa Jakub; and Matthew Lawrence – to commemorate the 25th anniversary of Mrs. Doubtfire. They took pictures together, then visited Mrs. Doubtfire’s two graves. 

During a friendly round of golf with his son and fellow pro Fred Couples, Tiger Woods sunk his first actual hole-in-one in 20 years. Woods said it was good to see a real one, since he’s used to seeing “hole-in-one” next to his name in about 100 sex puns a week. 

Former Facebook manager Mark Luckie made public a memo he’d written to top execs accompanying his resignation. Luckie, who is black, cited the lack of black representation at Facebook. He said 3 other people resigned for the same reason,  putting Facebook’s black workforce at 2. 

Former FBI director James Comey said that new Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker is “not the sharpest knife in our drawer.” Whitaker replied, asking what Comey meant. 

According to parenting website Baby Center, Sophia and Jackson are the most popular girl, and boy, baby names for the sixth consecutive year. However, gay and hipster couples who dislike traditional gender identifications have made Teebeedee increasingly popular. 

Wearable fitness trackers from Apple, Fitbit & Garmin may soon transmit warnings to users based on irregular heart rate patterns. Messages could range from ‘high beats per minute’ to ‘see a doctor’ to ‘nice knowing you’.

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