Friday Jokes: January 4

Hackers have exploited Google Chromecast streaming devices, using the hack to put anything they want on a Chromecast-equipped screen. “See, babe, I TOLD you that’s how the gay porn got there!” said a man who wasn’t a hacking victim, to his wife.

Nancy Pelosi was sworn in as Speaker of the House while surrounded by her own grandchildren and dozens of other children – also known as U.S. Representatives.

The Labor Department released a robust jobs report; the U.S. economy added a whopping 312,000 jobs in December, well above what economists expected to build toys for Santa.

Herb Kelleher, founder of Southwest Airlines, passed away at age 87. His body will be transported to his hometown, free of checked baggage fees.

Vicente Sambada Niebla, son of Sinaloa drug cartel leader Ismail Zambada Garcia, testified at the trial of Juan ‘El Chapo’ Guzman for five hours about how the cartel operated. Stunned by the betrayal, his father’s lawyer asked Vicente if he’d lost his head, to which he replied “not yet”.

Despite the government shutdown, the IRS stated that U.S. citizens will still be required to file their fraudulent tax returns.

Researchers trying to determine if it’s worthwhile to screen newborns for hundreds of genetic mutations have not yet determined if the screening is useful, since the mutations they identified still can’t predict whether babies will cry on airplanes or have a meltdown in a grocery store.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West announced they’re planning to have a fourth child, delivered via surrogate birth mother, and then via courier, since they’re both pretty busy on the due date.

A Florida man was arrested and charged with attempted murder for shooting his wife and her parents after seeing a video of the wife cheating with his best friend. The parents regretted their choice for Family Movie Night.

Anna & Lucy DeCinque, Australian women who call themselves “the world’s most identical twins”, say they plan to both get pregnant by their shared boyfriend and, if the law allows, marry him. The boyfriend, Ben Byrne, endorses the plan, saying it’s a great way to get laid twice without having to figure out which sister is which.

 

 

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