Monday Jokes: August 19th

A new study analyzed over 22,000 porn sites, finding over 93% were sharing user data with at least one third-party tracker. Researchers had a difficult time explaining to their wives why they had 22,000 porn sites in their browser history.

Bugatti announced a limited edition high performance supercar, the Centodieci, that costs $9 million. They’ll only produce ten of them – five to sell, and five to replace those when their owners crash them into trees.

Former UFC fighter Igor Zinoviev said he believes, based on medical findings, that Jeffrey Epstein had assistance killing himself. Zinoviev shared this opinion on his new show ‘UFCSI’.

Whitney Port of “The Hills” said she regrets turning down a one-night stand with Leonardo Dicaprio ten years ago. She wishes that instead of being the woman from The Hills that everyone forgot about, she was the woman Leonardo Caprio banged that everyone forgot about.

Dale Earnhardt, Jr and his family survived a fiery private plane crash at a Tennessee airport. The plane skidded off the runway, and Earnhardt had to tell the crew on scene to put out the fire instead of changing the plane’s tires and refueling it.

Donald Trump reportedly wants to buy Greenland. Greenland replied it’s perfectly capable of going bankrupt all by itself.

The Little League World Series is underway. Players representing teams from around the world come to Williamsport, Pennsylvania with one thought in common: wondering why in the hell they couldn’t have the Little League World Series someplace fun.

Following a 19-5 blowout loss to the Indians, New York Yankees manager Aaron Boone spoke in favor of a “surrender” rule to end lopsided games early. Ron Gardenhire, manager of the 37-82 Detroit Tigers, favors surrendering the remainder of the season.

The Indianapolis grave of John Dillinger may be exhumed to prove that it’s really him. Extra police are being brought in to prevent an escape.

Cava, the fast-growing Mediterranean-style restaurant chain, opened its first innovation kitchen in Washington, D.C. Cava is being called the Chipotle of Mediterranean food, and its innovation kitchen is trying to match Chipotle by developing its own strain of E. coli.




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