Thursday Jokes: August 27th

Describing the lesbian sex scene she choreographed in a new film ‘Ammonite’, Kate Winslet said “it’s not like eating a sandwich” – to the disappointment of straight men practicing foreplay wolfing hoagies at Jersey Mike’s.

Diva actress Lea Michele shared the first photo of her new baby, as the infant belittled other babies in the hospital nursery.

Amazon introduced the Halo, a new wearable fitness tracker. You can opt for the basic health data package or upgrade to Amazon Halo Prime, which shows movies of you naked to help you lose weight.

Firefighters battling wildfires in California’s Marin County are assisted by a 2-year-old golden retriever, Kerith, a crisis response therapy animal. Kerith was almost fired, however, for eating the inventory at chicken barbecue fundraisers.

Microsoft introduced its new foldable smartphone, the Surface Duo. It goes on sale in September for $1,399, then less when they decide to leave the smartphone market again in October.

Mike Pence promised a COVID-19 vaccine by year’s end. Asked if he’ll get one, he said Mother told him “we’ll see”.

Katy Perry gave birth to a baby girl, Daisy Dove Bloom. It’s her first child, and third DD.

Macaulay Culkin turned 40, according to the affidavit filed for his testimony at the Wet Bandits parole hearing.

Snoop Dogg is introducing his first-ever wine, Snoop’s Cali Red. It costs $12/bottle, and he recommends pairing it with a different wine that costs $3/bottle.

Delta is adding in-flight hand-sanitizing stations, which passengers can use after their in-flight fistfights over wearing masks.

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