Friday Jokes: August 28th

Department store Lord & Taylor is closing all of its stores. “Good Lord!” said Taylor.

IKEA is partnering with LEGO, so you can have a second meltdown when you step on the pieces of furniture you can’t put together.

‘Sister Sister’ actor Marques Houston married Miya Dickey in a private ceremony. The pastor asked Houston “Do you take Miya Dickey?..”, then, that night, Houston asked his wife the same thing.

Paris, France will mandate face masks for all pedestrians and cyclists starting today. Parisians are generally okay with it since masks lessen the intensity from citizens who still won’t wear deodorant.

Career management site The Ladders listed industries least likely to hire workers over age 45. The industry least like to hire aging workers is Manufacturing; the place most likely to employ aging workers is The White House.

Because of underwater free-dive training for upcoming ‘Avatar’ sequels, Kate Winslet said she can hold her breath for seven minutes. She said it also comes in handy on the days when the crew is served burritos.

Fox Networks has delayed the premiere of reality show ‘Masterchef Jr.’, citing the coronavirus pandemic, and judges getting sick after eating Play-Doh.

Amid a bitter divorce battle, Dr Dre’s estranged wife Nicole Young won’t give him back his gun, his motorcycle or his golf clubs. Dre is reportedly very frustrated as he tries to finish a diss track that rhymes words for ‘gun’, ‘motorcycle’ and ‘golf clubs’.

New Jersey will honor transgender activist Marsha P Johnson with a monument. The monument will be accessible from both directions on the New Jersey Turnpike and will contain a Roy Rogers, a Starbucks and a Sbarro.

Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky said he was assaulted by an angry mob outside of the White House after the Republican National Convention. He said if he wanted to get beat up, he can stay home and let his neighbor do it again.

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