Thursday Jokes: September 24th

New York City officially banned defecating on buses and the city subway. Philadelphia is considering a similar ban, but City Council doesn’t want commuters to change who they are.

Cake Boss Buddy Velastro’s hand was impaled on a steel rod as he tried to fix the pin resetter at his home’s bowling alley. Doctors worked feverishly to pick up the split between his 7th and 10th fingers.

A brain wrapped in tin foil washed up on a Wisconsin beach. It was unwrapped so the federal government could see what it was thinking.

The San Diego Chargers team doctor accidentally punctured QB Tyrod Taylor’s lung while giving him a painkilling injection for bruised ribs. The Chargers are now looking for a new doctor and shorter needles.

Tom Cruise and director Doug Liman will ride a SpaceX rocket into outer space to film a new movie. Though some are questioning why they need the International Space Station to film ‘Cocktail 2’.

Pro tennis players are angry that they must stay at one of two approved hotels in order to play in the French Open. They’re even more angry learning one of them is the Ramada Inn.

California is banning gas-engine car sales after 2035. Dealerships announced killer deals blowing out the last of the 2034 Kias.

A pregnant wife came to the aid of her husband after he was attacked by a shark in the Florida Keys. The man is okay, and the wife refused the shark’s request to touch her belly.

Money Magazine released its 50 Best Places to Live. “Wait, I don’t see us” said residents of Louisville, Portland, Seattle and the hills outside Los Angeles.

A Vietnamese factory was cited for washing 320,000 used condoms and reselling them as new. However, government leaders praised citizens for embracing safe sex and recycling.

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