Wednesday Jokes: September 23rd

Rapper Bobby Shmurda, imprisoned for six years on gang-related charges, was denied Shparole.

An executive at the Centers for Disease Control said they’ve “never seen morale this low” as Trump confounds their COVID-19 efforts; then added hope that a totally new killer disease comes along to distract everyone and cheer them up.

A grizzly bear mauled a hunter to death in an Alaska state park. Late in the 3rd quarter of 2020, the Bears still trail the Hunters, 57-1.

Microsoft Teams is enhancing its virtual workplace environments, adding breakout rooms, virtual coffee shops, new backgrounds – and empty offices where coworkers can have cybersex.

Time Magazine released its 2020 list of the World’s 100 Most Influential People. Once again, Carrot Top did not make it.

Johnson & Johnson’s COVID-19 vaccine made it to Phase 3 clinical trials. They’re calling it ‘No More Ventilators’.

41 razor blades were placed on playground equipment in a Michigan park, in a deliberate attempt to cause harm to children. Officials say this has caused only a slight increase in monkey-bar-related lacerations.

Garmin released new ‘rearview radar’ devices for bicyclists, designed to alert them when cars are approaching from behind. Future models may add cameras so the coroner can see which car ran you over.

Disneyland Resort in California is opening a community COVID-19 testing site. For $100, you can have breakfast and your choice of Snow White, Ariel or Cinderella will stick a cotton swab up your nose.

Convicted felon Lori Loughlin will get to serve her upcoming two-month sentence at a prison of her choice. She’s currently deciding between a minimum-security facility, or the waiting room at the Los Angeles Department of Motor Vehicles.

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