Monday Jokes: November 23rd

Nevada is limiting Thanksgiving gatherings to 10 people. They also announced a Thursday pay-per-view fight between the 10th & 11th guys in line for turkey dinner at a Las Vegas homeless shelter.

A new study claims people over age 45 are at greater risk of sexually transmitted infections, because they’re no longer worried about pregnancy, and because can you believe how much money they want for condoms these days?!

A viral video shows a Florida man pulling a puppy from the mouth of an alligator. The puppy is fine, and the alligator is considering adopting a kitten.

Melania Trump is planning to decorate the White House for Christmas one last time, according to a stock clerk at the nearby Ollie’s Bargain Outlet who said they’re sold out of inflatables.

New York City cops broke up an 80-person swingers party in Queens over the weekend. Police did praise those in attendance for using protection, and for finding inventive new uses for Purell.

British pro soccer player Darnell Fisher faces league discipline after being caught grabbing an opponent’s penis twice. He wasn’t carded, because he avoided touching the balls.

150 cold-stunned turtles – who couldn’t navigate to warmer water in time – were rescued on or near Cape Cod beaches, then moved to safety…slowly.

The first COVID-19 vaccines will likely require individuals to get two shots, one where the health professional tries to give it to you, and a second time where you stop being a pussy and sit still.

Donald Trump Jr said that, despite his COVID-19 positive test, he’s completely asymptomatic. He then asked his girlfriend if that means he feels good or not.

New York City residents are spraying their cars with cinnamon and mint oil to ward off giant rats that chew through wiring and damage engines. Rats are reportedly frustrated, but they smell amazing.

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