Thursday Jokes: December 17th

Wisconsin’s Health Department is asking residents not to eat ‘cannibal sandwiches’. The sandwich – raw beef on bread with onions, salt & pepper – is a local Xmas tradition. Two dozen people have already been hospitalized eating Cannibal McRib.

The FDA approved the first rapid-result at-home COVID-19 test. Although many women are reporting false negatives because they’re urinating on it.

Adam Gase, head coach of the 0-13 New York Jets, answered “yes” to a reporter asking if he thinks he let the team down. Gase added that he thinks the team has let him down, too, by not firing him yet.

Google’s smartphone keyboard Gboard is adding an “enhanced voice typing” mode. Now you can just say “go duck yourself”.

A gay male Texas high-school student suspended for painting his fingernails said he’ll continue his fight – vowing to press on.

A Spirit Airlines plane skidded off the runway at Baltimore/Washington Airport on Thursday morning. No one was injured, but passengers knocked out of their aisle seats were charged $49 to get back in them.

An eight-year-old Canadian boy was embarrassed by a large red birthmark on his torso, so his Dad spent 30 hours getting a matching tattoo of it. The kid was less impressed when he found out Dad’s tattoo covered up a portrait of Vanilla Ice.

France’s President Emanuel Macron tested positive for COVID-19 and is reportedly symptomatic with a fever and shortness of breath. He’ll quarantine and cut back his smoking to a pack a day.

Parents from Mount Healthy, Ohio face charges after renting a bus and packing it with 60 maskless kids for their child’s 14th birthday. The bus was pulled over in nearby Mount Fluish.

Two Democratic senators introduced the College Athletes Bill of Rights – proposing a way for student-athletes to be fairly paid for their name, image & likeness. “I can’t wait to get rich!” said a delusional Division III cross-country team member.

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