Friday Jokes: December 18th

In Japan, 1,000 people were stuck in their cars overnight in a 9-mile long traffic jam caused by snow, and a guy trying to parallel park.

A hostile Russian hacking campaign is much bigger than initially thought, according to the CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, and a kid in D.C. who said Zoom didn’t work as he skipped virtual school.

Vice President Mike Pence received the COVID-19 vaccine, once Mother arrived to hold his hand.

Alabama workers at an Amazon warehouse are voting on becoming the first U.S. union of Amazon employees. They’re seeking higher wages, better healthcare, and larger bottles to piss in during their shifts.

The Securities and Exchange Commission fined online trading company Robinhood $65 million for misleading investors. They’ll transfer the funds to the Sheriff of Nottingham.

Jeremy Bulloch, a British actor who portrayed Boba Fett in the original Star Wars trilogy, died at age 75, surrounded by family and Ewoks.

Five crew members have reportedly quit Mission Impossible 7 after another COVID protocol rant from Tom Cruise. The workers said they didn’t quit, they just listened to Cruise and refused to accept their mission.

McDonald’s is putting cameras in their garbage dumpsters. The cameras are measuring efficiency of recycling efforts, and gathering feedback to see how sick raccoons are getting from eating McRib.

Winter storm Gail dumped almost four feet of snow in the Southern Tier of New York State. Governor Andrew Cuomo declared a state of emergency, and the opening of New York’s first COVID-19 ICI units – Intensive Care Igloos.

Harley-Davidson debuted its new Serial 1 electric bicycles. They can reach 20mph on electric power, cost between $3,400 -$5,000, and will be used by the least-scary biker gang in history.

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