Friday Jokes: April 2nd

An Australian geologist posted video of his being attacked by an angry octopus. He was struck once in the neck, then sucker-punched seven more times.

Danielle ‘Bhad Bhabie’ Bregoli earned over $1 million in just five hours after opening an OnlyFans account, despite saying she “don’t have no big donkey booty”. Meanwhile rapper Big Donkey Booty grossed a paltry $35.

A Korean-American GOP candidate for Texas’ open congressional seat, Sery Kim, said she doesn’t want the U.S. to accept any Chinese immigrants. She’s expected to spend the next month explaining to Texans that there is a difference between China and Korea.

A baby boy in Iraq was born with triphallia, or three penises. His parents describe him as already being a great multitasker.

Republican Congressman Matt Gaetz reportedly took ecstasy, had sex with women in hotels, and paid them with money withdrawn from ATMs in the hotel lobbies. His Republican peers in Congress are condemning him for being dumb enough to pay the withdrawal fees at hotel lobby ATMs.

The CDC claims air travel is ‘low risk’ if travelers are fully vaccinated against COVID-19. However, they advise against buying Spirit Airlines $99 in-flight vaccine.

A man shopping at a New Mexico grocery store returned to his car and found 15,000 bees inside. He called 911 and a beekeeper arrived to remove them – but the dog and baby he left in the car were still kinda freaked out.

An MMA match was halted when one of the fighters lost his left ring finger during it. Worse, his girlfriend was planning to propose after he won.

A man golfing in Vancouver captured video of a bald eagle stalking and eating a seagull. The seagull’s life could have been spared, but it had already finished eating all the french fries.

The man arrested for swimming naked in Kendall Jenner’s pool was released, but then recaptured hours later attempting to enter Kylie Jenner’s house. He’s spent so much time creeping around Jenners & Kardashians that they’re calling him Scott Disick.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s