Tuesday Jokes: June 8th

Kid Rock scolded audience members for recording his show in Nashville, calling them “f*cking f@ggots with their iPhones out”. He closed the show wishing everyone a Happy Pride Month.

The FBI used undercover agents to convince criminals to use a messaging app, ANOM, that they created, resulting in 800 arrests in 16 countries. They hope for similar results capturing lonely crime lords with their new dating app.

The Dept of Justice recovered $2.3 million paid by fuel conglomerate Colonial Pipeline to ransomware hackers. President Biden cancelled a planned celebratory news conference after he was told he couldn’t pose behind a table stacked with Bitcoins.

FBI agents were able to retrieve the Colonial Pipeline ransom by getting the password to the hackers Bitcoin wallet – ‘Bitcoin1’.

McDonald’s CEO claims higher wages are accelerating the company’s move to more automated restaurants, where digital assistants take orders, and robots forget to put french fries in the bag.

Kim Kardashian’s security team is investigating an anonymous package sent to her, containing a diamond engagement ring and Plan B birth control pills. Kim’s first goal is to figure out if it came from a handsome rapper or NBA star.

‘General Hospital’ star Kristen Storms said she underwent brain surgery. Now that her brain is repaired, she said she’s unable to enjoy soap operas.

Paula Abdul underwent ‘breast revision’ surgery. Abdul said that, as a dancer with a short frame, larger implants were harder on her back, and scuffing her tap shoes.

Fastly, a content delivery network that speeds load times for websites, crashed Tuesday morning, causing widespread Internet service outages. Fastly worked quickly & diligently to fully & completely remedy sites loading slowly or incompletely.

French President Emanuel Macron was slapped in the face during a public appearance. He was pulled away, then handed a pistol so he and the man could complete their duel.

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