Monday Jokes: June 7th

Amazon warehouses introduced AmaZen meditation booths, where stressed out workers can meditate and watch company-approved mindfulness videos while they privately urinate into soda bottles.

The FDA approved Wegovy, an injectable diabetes drug, for weight loss in adults with chronic obesity. It’s being called a “game changer”, and the second-most effective injection to fight obesity – the first being anesthesia before lap-band surgery.

A naked 53-year-old woman was tasered and arrested after trashing an Outback Steakhouse, breaking liquor bottles and throwing them at police. She plans to invoke the ‘No Rules, Just Right’ defense.

A self-described “Trump man” in Ohio was charged with littering for repeatedly defecating and urinating on his neighbor’s lawn because he’s a Democrat. The man’s dog was also charged for not bagging and disposing of his waste.

Israeli Prime Minister Benajamin Netanyahu claims the coalition forces trying to unseat him are perpetrating the “greatest election fraud” in the history of democracy .. or, according to his good friend, the greatest fraud in about the last seven months.

Jeff Bezos and his younger brother Mark will be aboard Bezos’ Blue Origin first manned space rocket flight on July 20. Their kids have blocked out the week after, just in case they need to figure out how to spend their inheritance.

Former One Direction singer Liam Payne called off his engagement to model Maya Henry, saying he’s one month sober and that he needs to “work on himself” – and dozens of former One Direction groupies.

A man shot in the leg by a member of rapper DaBaby’s entourage plans to file an injury lawsuit, leaving DaBaby rattled.

A 30-year-old El Paso mom was arrested for posing as her 13-year-old 7th grade daughter at her school, to highlight a lack of security and poor teacher attentiveness. She was discovered after bombing a spelling test and getting undressed for gym.

New York is planning a Central Park megaconcert to celebrate the city’s reopening. Producer Clive Davis said he’s seeking eight stars to co-headline the bill, stating they should be “iconic” and “not named Lee Greenwood or Kid Rock”.

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