Tuesday Jokes: July 13th

The manager and eight employees at a Nebraska Burger King all walked out on their jobs and put ‘WE ALL QUIT’ on the large marquee sign in front of the restaurant. “Have it your way” said the owner.

Goldfish dumped in Michigan lakes are growing to over a foot in size, wreaking havoc with ecosystems. Wildlife experts don’t know how to get rid of them, since they’re too large to flush down a toilet.

The U.S. Government began issuing tax credit payments of $3,600 for children under age 6. Demand is surging for platinum rims and high-wattage stereos for tricycles.

Luxury watchmaker Tag Heuer debuted a Connected x Digital Watch featuring Super Mario that will retail for $2,150. Only 2,000 units will be sold, mostly to wealthy collectors who want to impress 10-year-olds.

Coca-Cola is changing Coke Zero Sugar to make it taste more like regular Coke Classic. They’re also considering changing the formula of Dasani Water to make it taste even more like a rusty schoolyard fountain.

Martin Lawrence’s daughter and Eddie Murphy’s son are dating, in what’s expected to bring a truly vulgar & hilarious breakup.

Cardi B gifted her daughter Kulture a diamond necklace for her 3rd birthday. Kulture then lost several baby teeth attempting to eat it.

Billionaire Melinda Gates visited New York City, with a security detail of six bodyguards and three SUVs. “Nice meeting you” said her Match.com date.

Actress Megan Fox said she visited Costa Rica and tried hallucinogen ayahuasca, saying she “went to hell for an eternity”. Fox now knows what it’s like to sit through one of her Transformers movies.

American Airlines crew duct-taped a woman to her seat after she experienced an in-flight “mental health episode” and tried to open the jet’s door. The woman said she chose American because Spirit Airlines charges $49 for the tape.

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