Friday Jokes: July 30th

Five employees were injured when a tornado ripped through Faulkner GMC/Buick in the Philadelphia suburbs. Owners, however, wanted to clarify that this is not to be confused with their End-Of-July Tornado of Savings Event.

The first wave of Afghanistan evacuees – residents who helped U.S. Troops – arrived in Virginia. They were treated to tours of Colonial Williamsburg, and immediately asked to go back to Afghanistan.

A woman broke the world record by delivering nine babies. She’s planning to feed them with a breast pump attached to a sprinkler.

House Republicans are protesting the mask mandate by walking to the Senate chamber, where masks aren’t required, and where Congressman Matt Gaetz heard it was the Senate’s ‘Take Your Daughter To Work’ Day.

Los Angeles approved an ordinance criminalizing homelessness. Homeless people are turning themselves in on days where they like the menu at the county jail.

People in Missouri are wearing disguises to get COVID-19 vaccines so their conservative friends won’t shun them. Missouri’s Department of Health said they’ve issued a record number of vaccine cards to Frankenstein, Freddy Krueger & Jason Voorhees.

Scarlett Johansson is suing Disney, saying their decision to co-premiere Marvel Studios ‘Black Widow’ on Disney+ led to her losing out on back-end compensation. The lawsuit appears ugly, and also jeopardizes Johansson’s upcoming role in ‘That Darn Cat 2’.

Former ‘Bachelorette’ Ali Fedotowski, 36, told her Instagram followers that she contracted shingles. She said it surprised her because of her age, and because she’s never been on a roof in her entire life.

The Winklevoss Twins band played their first live gig. They call themselves The Righteous Brothers because they thought of it first.

Donald Trump is selling one of his personal helicopters. No selling price is listed, but its estimated value is around $1 million – minus whatever it costs to get the smells of McDonald’s and bronzer out of it.

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