Monday Jokes: December 13th

The groom at a Philadelphia wedding was mugged outside of his wedding reception. Philly police released a photo of the suspect, a woman in a long white dress seen with the groom just minutes before.

Spider-Man actor Tom Holland said in an interview he farted on co-star Zendaya while they performed a stunt for Spider-Man: No Way Home. Filming was halted because the webs that shot out gave Zendaya pinkeye.

Delta Air Lines announced it’s dropping service to Lincoln, Nebraska; Cody, Wyoming; & Grand Junction, Colorado. Travelers in those cities now have fewer options if they want to beat up a flight attendant.

Spain’s youngest Episcopal bishop was stripped of his powers after admitting to marrying a woman who writes erotic fiction. Her latest work, The Bishop & The Maiden With Heaving Bosoms, hits stores in January.

A Popeye’s chicken franchise in Philadelphia was criticized for banning homeless customers. The good news is, on average, homeless Philadelphians have lost five pounds.

India’s Harnaaz Sandhu was named Miss Universe 2021. During contestant interviews, host Steve Harvey asked her to do an animal impression, so Sandhu meowed. Later, Harvey awarded the coveted crown to the “Indian pussy”.

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows reportedly turned over a PowerPoint presentation outlining how a January 6th coup would keep Donald Trump in office. Meadows disputes that the slides were shared, because CTRL/F7 didn’t get the projector to work.

The United Kingdom’s largest spy agency, GCHQ, released a digital Christmas card with a series of “fiendish puzzles” for kids aged 11 to 18 to complete, keeping them busy while a GCHQ agent goes at it with their mom.

The U.K.’s Department of Digital Culture placed an export restriction on a rare 17th Century painting of a black woman and her white female companion, titled Allegorical Painting of Two Ladies: English School, but more widely known as See, I TOLD You I Have A Black Friend.

Kim Kardashian passed California’s ‘Baby Bar’ exam after failing it three times, pushing her one step closer to becoming a lawyer once she passes the full bar exam after failing that 20 times.

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