The groom at a Philadelphia wedding was mugged outside of his wedding reception. Philly police released a photo of the suspect, a woman in a long white dress seen with the groom just minutes before.

Spider-Man actor Tom Holland said in an interview he farted on co-star Zendaya while they performed a stunt for Spider-Man: No Way Home. Filming was halted because the webs that shot out gave Zendaya pinkeye.

Delta Air Lines announced it’s dropping service to Lincoln, Nebraska; Cody, Wyoming; & Grand Junction, Colorado. Travelers in those cities now have fewer options if they want to beat up a flight attendant.

Spain’s youngest Episcopal bishop was stripped of his powers after admitting to marrying a woman who writes erotic fiction. Her latest work, The Bishop & The Maiden With Heaving Bosoms, hits stores in January.

A Popeye’s chicken franchise in Philadelphia was criticized for banning homeless customers. The good news is, on average, homeless Philadelphians have lost five pounds.

India’s Harnaaz Sandhu was named Miss Universe 2021. During contestant interviews, host Steve Harvey asked her to do an animal impression, so Sandhu meowed. Later, Harvey awarded the coveted crown to the “Indian pussy”.

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows reportedly turned over a PowerPoint presentation outlining how a January 6th coup would keep Donald Trump in office. Meadows disputes that the slides were shared, because CTRL/F7 didn’t get the projector to work.

The United Kingdom’s largest spy agency, GCHQ, released a digital Christmas card with a series of “fiendish puzzles” for kids aged 11 to 18 to complete, keeping them busy while a GCHQ agent goes at it with their mom.

The U.K.’s Department of Digital Culture placed an export restriction on a rare 17th Century painting of a black woman and her white female companion, titled Allegorical Painting of Two Ladies: English School, but more widely known as See, I TOLD You I Have A Black Friend.

Kim Kardashian passed California’s ‘Baby Bar’ exam after failing it three times, pushing her one step closer to becoming a lawyer once she passes the full bar exam after failing that 20 times.

Harlem Globetrotters legend Fred ‘Curly’ Neal passed away. He’ll be buried with a basketball so he can spin in his grave.

Kanye West shared plans for his massive ranch in Wyoming, including a ‘urine farm’ where human waste is converted to plant food. West will still have a studio, so he can convert human waste to music.

Hockey equipment manufacturer Bauer has switched from making hockey equipment to medical gear. At the hospital receiving their first shipment, two nurses dropped their Bauer gloves and fought for a surgical mask.

China President Xi vowed to cooperate with the United States to defeat coronavirus, because we owe him a sh*t-ton of money.  [Ed. Note: Did you know that China holds about $1.1 trillion in U.S. debt?]

New York hospitals say two people being treated for COVID-19 may end up having to share a ventilator. Patients are more concerned they won’t get their own tv.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell threatened punishment to teams criticizing the NFL proceeding with April’s draft amidst the COVID-19 outbreak. While no specific action was mentioned, Goodell has privately threatened to hold future drafts in Green Bay or Buffalo.

JoAnn Fabrics employees staged protests over working in crowded stores after execs declared them ‘essential retail’. They’ve since moved to curbside pickup, so thrifty moms can sew dresses for their daughters to wear at the Facetime Prom.

Amazon’s Alexa can now tell you your COVID-19 risk level. However, Google’s Assistant has already stolen so much of your personal data it can tell if you actually have the virus.

The first flight attendant has passed away after contracting coronavirus. He died still clutching a half-full can of Diet Coke he refused to give to a passenger.

Some intensive care patients being treated for coronavirus are being treated with large doses of vitamin C.  Some respond favorably, although others have been the victim of orange juice drownings.