Monday Jokes: January 10th

A scientist in Cyprus claims to have identified a ‘DeltaCron’ variant of COVID-19, combining Delta & Omicron traits. It has Omicron’s spike proteins and Delta’s blue eyes.

A Bucks County, Pennsylvania bowling alley manager was assaulted by customers. The assailants struck the manager 12 straight times, recording a perfect game before fleeing.

NBC Today show anchors Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb both tested positive for COVID-19, as Al Roker asked viewers what variant they were sick with in their neck of the woods.

Take Two Interactive, maker of the Grand Theft Auto videogames, is acquiring Zynga, maker of Farmville mobile video games, for $12.7 billion. They plan to launch Grand Theft Tractor, and bring more drug dealers and prostitutes to the farm.

Demi Lovato debuted a new spider tattoo on the side of their shaved head, writing with the photo that the “grandmother spider.. taught us about poetry and weaving..fire, light and dark”. Doctors are checking to see how much of the ink leeched into her brain.

Four NFL teams fired their head coaches, and each team will begin their search by interviewing the three fired guys who didn’t work for them.

NFL insiders call the day head coaches get fired Black Monday – as opposed to the day new coaches get hired, Caucasian Weekday.

An Arizona software company offers new hires $5,000 if they decide they don’t like the company and want to quit after two weeks. Most workers stay, but the company is trying to do a better job screening crackheads who can code.

Citing poor earnings amidst the pandemic, Lululemon share prices dropped faster than their yoga pants in a porno movie.

PayPal is exploring its own cryptocurrency, which you can use to confuse your friend who will wonder if you really did pay back that money you owed them.

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