Tuesday Jokes: January 11th

A Des Moines, Iowa mailman rescued an elderly woman who’d fallen in the snow in sub-zero temperatures but couldn’t stand. He helped her to her feet, then slid her through the door of the wrong house.

Police arrested a truck driver for luring what he thought was a 15-year-old girl to a rented shower at a Flying J truck stop in Altoona, Iowa. He’d actually been communicating with undercover cops, who let him finish his shower because he really needed it.

A prominent Alabama anti-vaxxer, Christopher Key, urged followers to drink their own urine to cure or prevent COVID-19. He published his findings next to a coupon for raspberry Crystal Light.

Retired porn actress Jenna Jameson was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre syndrome, a rare, but curable, neurological condition, after she was unable to walk. Jameson said she hasn’t felt this way since just about every movie she ever made.

The City of Chicago reached a deal with its public school teachers union for safety rules that will allow in-person learning. The rules include expanded COVID testing and limiting handgun use to recess.

A genetically altered pig heart was transplanted to a human recipient. The patient is stable, but changed his post-mortem directive from “cremated” to “smoked”.

A bride in Australia video-recorded her efforts to contract COVID so her February 5th wedding would go on as planned. Her fiance questioned why she needed so many different guys to catch the virus.

Four people died of Hepatitis A after eating at Famous Anthony’s restaurants, a small chain in Virginia. They plan an aggressive relaunch as Infamous Anthony’s.

NASA said space debris will definitely slam into the James Webb Space Telescope – mostly Solo cups and spoiled guacamole after the International Space Station’s Super Bowl party.

Actress Tori Spelling took to Instagram to announce “every single member” of her family tested positive, with varying degrees of symptoms, of COVID-90210.

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