Friday Jokes: January 14th

Following allegations of sex at Jeffrey Epstein’s home with a 17-year-old girl, Britain’s Prince Andrew has been stripped of his military titles. Andrew will no longer be officially addressed as Captain Horndog.

The Biden Administration will make face masks free for all Americans, delighting poor families whose kids will trick-or-treat as ‘Surgeon’ next Halloween.

An ‘exquisite’ 2,000-year-old Roman figure was found during a railway excavation in the United Kingdom – next to a ‘nefarious’ 2,000 year old figure of a mustached guy in a black top hat & cape who tied her there.

Female Walmart truck drivers filed a class action lawsuit over the company requiring them to wear mens pants on the job. The suit asks that they be allowed to dress more like Walmart customers, and wear no pants.

Rapper Meek Mill, actor Kevin Hart and Philadelphia 76ers co-owner Michael Rubin donated $15 million to defray costs at Philadelphia parochial & private schools, in case you were wondering where Father Michael got that new Lexus.

Retired player & NFL analyst Bart Scott recommended Buffalo Bills QB Josh Allen take Viagra to improve blood flow during Saturday’s playoff game, where temps will be in the single-digits. The idea was rejected by Mitch Morse, the Bills center who’s bent over snapping the ball to Allen.

The new BD Veritor COVID test allows you to digitally share your results with contacts. They’re also working on an STD test, where you’ll probably want to disable the contact-sharing until you see the results first.

Researchers discovered over 60 million “breeding nests” of Antarctic icefish on the floor of the frigid Weddell Sea. They were located after sonar detected Barry White songs coming from the icefish late-night breeding playlist.

Cannabis use can prevent COVID-19 infection, according to a new study which followed hundreds of stoners who weren’t leaving their house anyway.

Former ‘Bachelorette’ contestant Clint Arlis died at age 34. Bachelorettes placed roses on his grave, but added that doesn’t mean they want to make out with him again.

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