Tuesday Jokes: May 10th

Mattel introduced the first-ever Hot Wheels remote-controlled wheelchair toy, modeled after paraplegic daredevil Aaron ‘Wheels’ Fotheringham. The toy jumps ramps and does tricks, but still takes five minutes to get in and out of the remote-controlled van.

Philadelphia public schools will randomly screen students for weapons like handguns and knives. They won’t say where or when, but the school superintendent said they’ll probably focus on days when teachers have Show & Tell.

Fugitive murderer Casey White was captured after a car wreck ended a police chase in Indiana, and his alleged lover – corrections officer Vicky White – died at the hospital. Casey & Vicky: Love On the Run, starring Valerie Bertinelli, premieres on Lifetime this Friday.

Nikki Sixx condemned an unauthorized stage play The Crue: Underneath The Dirt Lies The Truth, which he says uses band trademarks & imagery without permission. Unlike most stage productions, producers cast the Vince Neil role to the worst singer.

Lizzo is introducing Yitty, a new women’s shapewear line. Apparel experts call it “a lot to ask of shapewear”.

Australian police found 110 pounds of cocaine near the body of a diver that had washed up on shore. An autopsy revealed the diver didn’t wait a half-hour after eating lunch before going in the water.

A prison riot in Ecuador left 43 people dead, in what’s being called the Taco Tuesday Massacre.

Jeffery Lamar Williams, 30, aka rapper Young Thug, was arrested for organizing a criminal street gang in his home city of Atlanta. Young Thug will be tried as Adult Defendant.

WNBA players posed for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. The shoot lasted several hours, following bikini waxing that took several days.

Britney Spears posted a dozen nude photographs on Instagram. Her fiance reminded her that’s not what it means that she has to be seen by an ob/gyn.

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