Thursday Jokes: May 19th

A woman gave birth on a Frontier Airlines flight from Denver to Orlando. Then Frontier Airlines gave its first-ever discount voucher to the guy in her seat on the return flight to Denver.

Don Gorske of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin marked his 50th anniversary eating McDonald’s Big Macs every day. Meanwhile, the Fond du Lac coroner issued a third autopsy for copycats dying within two weeks attempting to duplicate Gorske’s feat with Arby’s Beef & Cheddars.

Netflix laid off 150 workers, notifying each of them they had to hit the Next Episode button.

A Massachusetts man was diagnosed with the first case of monkeypox in the U.S., a conclusion reached after multiple days of research by virologists and chimps wearing lab coats.

Multiple monkeypox cases have been identified in countries such as Spain, Portugal & the United Kingdom – with the World Health Organization officially recognizing them as barrels of monkeypox.

Serbia’s Lazar Krstic won the Red Bull Paper Wings paper-airplane contest, making a folded paper craft that sailed 200 feet. He’s been commissioned to fold a thousand more for the deployment of the Serbian Air Force.

The CW network cancelled ‘Riverdale‘, ending the Archie Comics-inspired drama after seven seasons. The network has, however, ordered a new pilot, ‘Jughead‘, which is 30 minutes of Donald Trump commenting on women’s breasts.

NASA’s Insight Mars lander is reportedly losing power because of dust collecting on the vehicle’s solar panels. They’re hoping if they get it to the right intersection in a sketchy neighborhood, a homeless martian will offer to clean the dust off.

Major League Baseball reporter Kelsey Wingert was struck in the forehead by a foul ball while standing in the dugout during Monday’s Giants/Rockies game, requiring stitches and a CT scan. This is her first time taking a ball to the face since college.

An Idaho man broke a Guinness World Record by running the Famous Idaho Potato Half-Marathon while wearing 111 t-shirts – and just five changes of underpants.

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