Wednesday Jokes: June 29th

A massive new Giant grocery store opened on North Broad Street in Philadelphia. It’s the first grocery store in the nation with an aisle dedicated to bullets.

Ghislaine Maxwell was sentenced to 20 years in prison for sex trafficking. She’ll be sent to a federal prison now known as The Big Maxwell House.

Bed Bath & Beyond said CEO Mark Tritton left the company amidst disappointing sales. Even worse, the Board of Directors redeemed several 20% off coupons to reduce his severance pay.

Amazon will limit the sales of Plan B contraceptive pills to control inventory as states enact anti-abortion laws. However, Ollie’s Bargain Outlet will place no limit on its Plan O pills, but won’t guarantee their efficacy.

Andrew Giuliani, son of Rudy, lost in the New York State Republican Gubernatorial Primary election. His concession speech was delayed because he had a tough time finding a greenhouse open at 11pm.

A visitor at Yellowstone National Park saved a small child from being gored by a charging bison, but was tossed in the air by the animal. He’s expected to recover, and receive a million-dollar signing bonus to join the Spanish Bullfighting League.

Tesla laid off 200 workers on the vehicle autopilot team – all of whom showed themselves out.

OutKast’s Big Boi divorced his wife of 20 years, citing o why o why o,… why o why o why o? Are we so in denial when we know we’re not happy here?

Nissan recalled over 300,000 Pathfinder SUVs over potential hood latch failures, followed by potential “f**k!!!” failures from drivers at high-speeds who can’t see past the hood.

A truck carrying over 200 beehives overturned on a Utah highway, destroying 95% of them. Police are searching for the queen of rival hives who may have stung holes in the brake lines.

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