Friday Jokes: July 15th

BMW is charging $18/month to activate heated seats in its vehicles. They’re also planning to charge $20 for ventilated seats and rolling down the windows when the on-board GPS detects the vehicle at a Taco Bell drive thru.

Elon Musk’s 76-year-old father Errol confirmed he fathered a child with his 34-year-old stepdaughter. Errol Musk blamed the pregnancy on his penis’s Autopilot function.

Tom Brady said his immense wealth is the hardest thing about parenting. He said the second-hardest is his stupid f***ing kids.

Stranger Things actor Noah Schnapp confirmed in an interview that his character, Will Byers, is gay. Vecna confirmed in a different interview that he’s non-binary.

The Italian beach town of Sorrento imposed a new fine on bare chests in public. Although Good Samaritan Sorrento creeps are offering to pay the fine for women 40 & under.

Odor complaints in New York City have reached an all-time high as a result of the high heat, homeless encampments & rotting trash. Residents say it’s the first time they’ve seen rats wearing face masks and Axe body spray.

Thefts of purebred French Bulldogs have become a nationwide crime epidemic. Owners report having their dogs stolen at gunpoint. But, because they’re French, the dogs typically surrender to the kidnappers.

Uber is being sued for sexual assault by 550 women – with a cumulative average customer rating of 1.5 stars.

A South African man competing in a drinking challenge to win $12 died after downing a full bottle of Jagermeister in two minutes. So far, a dozen people on organ transplant waiting lists have passed on taking his liver.

Ivana Trump died at age 73. Eric Trump said funeral arrangements and a guest list are still pending, but he hopes the stork that carried him to her will attend.

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