A Rhode Island high school basketball coach allegedly molested students while telling them he was measuring their body fat. He plans a vigorous defense, saying obese boys weren’t molested, nor did they make the basketball team.

Veterans can now teach in Florida schools without a degree – a controversial privilege once reserved only for gym teachers.

The New Jersey Farm Fair took place as planned over the weekend despite 98 degree heat. Several cows & pigs were treated for heat exhaustion after riding the Tilt-A-Whirl

Steve Bannon was convicted on two Contempt of Congress charges. He also pleaded no contest to multiple Contempt of Personal Hygiene charges.

A duck named Wrinkle completed the Long Island Marathon and received a medal. Wrinkle’s owner said the hardest part was finding running shoes.

As a protest against rampant gun violence, Pat Benatar won’t sing ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot‘ in concert. As a protest against the overturning of Roe v Wade, she changed the lyrics of a lesser hit to ‘Hell Is For Children (That Probably Should Have Been Aborted)’.

T-Mobile agreed to pay $350 million in compensation to affected customers over a 2021 data breach. They’ve already started to notify customers via phone call, but since they’re T-Mobile customers, most of the calls dropped.

A chess playing robot broke a boy’s finger during a tournament in Moscow. The boy’s finger was put in a cast and the game continued; however, the robot will no longer be allowed to participate in an upcoming Candy Land tournament.

Tubal ligation for women and vasectomies for men are surging in the wake of the Roe v Wade decision – so much that the owners of a popular dating app are considering introducing Tinder: Sterilized.

Following the retirement of Vince McMahon, wrestler Paul ‘Triple H’ Levesque was announced as Head of WWE Creative. Triple H plans to introduce the first non-binary WWE Champion, who is both Hero & Heel.