Wednesday Jokes: July 27th

Russia announced they’ll be leaving the International Space Station at the end of 2024 – or as soon as their Death Star is finished, whichever’s sooner.

Google is adding over 100 photorealistic aerial views to landmarks in Google Maps. Previously, users could only access aerial views when Maps directed them to drive off a cliff.

Joe Biden tested negative for COVID-19 and will leave isolation as soon as Jill gets back to tell him which door is the exit.

Newlyweds Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck took a family visit to the Louvre Museum in – proving even rich kids can be subjected to the most boring vacation activities before they finally reach Disneyland Paris.

Rose Valentino, a police officer once featured on TLC Network show ‘Police Women Of Cincinnati‘, was caught on bodycam footage using the N-word. The TLC show was cancelled years ago, but Fox News saw the footage and offered Valentino a new show of her own.

A Kentucky couple who let their 6-year-old run a marathon was visited by child protective services. They interviewed the child once he finished cutting the family’s 4-acre lawn using a walk-behind mower.

A British tourist died walking into the rear blades of a helicopter while taking a selfie. His family requested privacy while they assess the damage to his iPhone’s screen.

Married actors Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard announced their 9-year-old and 7-year-old “graduated” to sleeping in their own room instead of the same room as their parents. They’ve also graduated to one-hour therapy sessions to cope with the sex they saw and heard.

The CEO of chicken restaurant Raising Cane’s bought $100,000 worth of Mega Millions lottery tickets with the intent to share the winnings with employees. The employees said, all things being equal, they’d rather have health insurance.

Jennifer Lopez posed nude to publicize the launch of her new butt-firming lotion: JLo Body by JLo Beauty Firm + Flaunt Targeted Booty Balm. It comes in a half-gallon jug because they need room to fit the name, and to have enough to cover her butt once.

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