Wednesday Jokes: August 24th

A high school in a Philadelphia suburb mistakenly received a FedEx shipment of guns. The guns were forwarded to their rightful owner, but teachers held them and are kind of on board with guns in classrooms now.

Scientists say cooked mealworms have a meat-like flavor that could be added to fast food as a source of protein. “Way ahead of you” said the head chef at McDonald’s test kitchens.

Elon Musk is being criticized for using a private jet for a 9-minute flight from San Jose to San Francisco, a distance of 35 miles. Musk said he and a woman on board wanted to join the Quarter-Mile High Club.

A woman sued her psychiatrist for approving her gender transition to male after just one meeting. The woman no longer considers herself a man, but the psychiatrist still thinks she’s a dick.

Astronomers discovered a black hole so gaseous that it actually emitted noise in space. NASA plans to name the black hole, creating a bidding war betweeen Chipotle and Arby’s

An Oklahoma teacher was suspended after sharing a link to access books banned in her district via an online library. She plans a vigorous defense, that most of her students in Oklahoma can’t read anyway.

Sylvester Stallone’s wife filed for divorce. She requested half of marital assets, and to never have to watch Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot or Over The Top ever again.

The Hills star Kristin Cavallari admitted to fans via Instagram that she got a breast lift after feeding her three kids. She said her ex-husband – retired NFL QB Jay Cutler – gripping them like a football didn’t help matters either.

Joe Biden announced $10,000 in student loan cancellation, delighting graduates who can now default on $10,000 less debt.

‘Long Hots & Sharp Provolone’ is the winner of the ‘Flavored By Philly’ potato chip flavoring contest sponsored by regional chip maker Herr’s. It was selected as the flavor best representing Philly, narrowly edging out Fentanyl.

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