Tuesday Jokes: August 23rd

New research from Japan suggests dogs eyes can well up with tears of joy when reunited with their owners. Then the cat makes fun of them.

More details are emerging regarding Gary Busey’s sex assault charges at Monster Mania in New Jersey. Busey allegedly grabbed two women’s buttocks and tried to unhook a bra. Busey is likely banned at future Monster Mania conventions, but is now invited to several Trump Rallys.

Former Playmates say Hugh Hefner encouraged them to have risky, unprotected sex with him. Sex was unprotected because he didn’t use a condom, and risky because he turned off his pacemaker.

Tesla raised the price of Full Self Driving software in its cars to $15,000. Which sounds expensive, but it comes with 10 downloadable movies to watch and a sex swing for the backseat.

Apple will let you repair certain Macbook laptops yourself starting Tuesday. Then, starting Wednesday, you can see if someone else can fix the damage you did.

Viral video shows a woman performing oral sex on a man in the outfield upper deck during an Oakland A’s baseball game. Despite sitting 500 feet from home plate, she was still struck by foul balls.

Meghan Markle said on a podcast that her baby Archie’s nursery caught fire while she was away giving a speech in South Africa. Archie was okay, and has since quit smoking.

Fans of HBO’s new Game of Thrones prequel ‘House Of The Dragon’ are angry at a scene where a man forces a woman to have a c-section, killing her. They say the scene isn’t faithful to the original books, because it takes place in Texas in 2022.

The car and body of missing California teen Kiely Rodny was found in 35 minutes by dive team Adventures With Purpose, after local cops say they spent 20,000 man hours searching the same lake. Adventures With Purpose said they were more successful because they actually went in the water.

Residents of Mexico City say it’s being gentrified by American expatriates moving there to work remotely and avoid the costs of big cities like New York or Los Angeles. They also blame the $50,000 hiring bonuses being offered by the Sinaloa drug cartel.

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