A Pennsylvania man was arrested for masturbating on his front porch after meeting a new female neighbor and inviting her to use his new massage chair. He was arrested and jailed. Ironically, the woman wants to try the chair now that the guy isn’t around. [Story h/t to M.L.!]

Lung cancer screenings are now encouraged for all ex-smokers over 55. Lead times for screenings are a bit lengthy, so smoke em if you still got em.

Ashlee Simpson joined Demi Lovato onstage at Lovato’s concert in Los Angeles – until Demi Lovato realized she was there and had her removed by security.

Pennsylvania Republican candidate for governor Doug Mastriano vowed to eliminate pole dancing in schools if elected – potentially forcing Philadelphia City Schools to make significant changes to middle & high school Career Days.

Lena Dunham tweeted that she wants her casket driven through the New York City Pride Parade. Parade organizers said they’ll make it happen next year if she promises to do her part.

Kim Kardashian was fined $1.26 million by the Securities & Exchange Commission for plugging EMAX cryptocurrency on her Instagram account, without revealing she was paid $250,000 to do so. Kardashian said the hardest part was finding the EMAX to take a picture of it.

Bros – the first gay romantic comedy released in theaters by a major studio – bombed, earning just $4.8 million. Moviegoers said if they wanted to watch gay guys flirt for 90 minutes, they could save the twelve bucks and go to the gym.

A man died after a fall from a stadium escalator following Sunday’s Pittsburgh Steelers home game. Since the Steelers lost to the New York Jets, suicide has not been ruled out.

Conservative commenter Megyn Kelly said on her podcast that she objects to women like Jennifer Lopez and Shakira “showing their ‘vag’ at the Super Bowl”. Thousands of conservative male podcast subscribers are now kicking themselves for not watching it.

A large potbellied pig has been wandering in an Alabama neighborhood for weeks. The pig has so far evaded multiple capture attempts, while at the same time fielding multiple marriage proposals.