Fireball faces a class action lawsuit in 12 states for misleading customers that mini-bottles sold at gas stations are whisky, but contain no whisky at all. The lawsuit is unique in that all of the plaintiffs are 16 years old.

Retired astronaut Buzz Aldrin married 63-year-old Dr. Anca Faur on his 93rd birthday. Her vibrator is also named Buzz Aldrin.

Home Depot founder Bernie Marcus, who retired in 2002, claims that ‘nobody works anymore’ because of socialism and ‘woke people who have taken over the world’. Marcus made the claims after wandering around a Home Depot for a half-hour looking for a woke socialist to tell him where the screwdrivers are.

Grocery & retail stores are losing shopping carts in record numbers. They blame homelessness, carts being sold for scrap metal, and Cub Scouts who want roomier Soap Box Derby cars.

A police officer punched a woman several times following a dispute after she attempted to return a McDonald’s Big Mac for not having the extra toppings she paid for. He’s been placed on leave from McDonaldland P.D. according to Mayor McCheese.

A woman who lost her virginity at 17 to a 30-year-old man and disliked it claims to have paid $10,000 to have her hymen reconstructed. She’s now saving herself for a guy who’ll pay her $10,000, just in case the third time’s the charm.

Disney Parks Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser Hotel is reportedly failing due to the $6,000 price tag for a two-night stay – and stiff competition down the block from the $69/night Mos Eisley Cantina Red Roof Inn with real galactic prostitutes.

Pamela Anderson claims in her new memoir that Tim Allen flashed his penis at her when she was his co-star on sitcom Home Improvement. She also claims the guy who played ‘Wilson’ did it too through a hole in the fence.

Spotify announced it’s cutting 6% of jobs, disappointing fired workers, and also disappointing everyone hoping the cuts included Joe Rogan.

A British woman who lost all of her limbs from sepsis won a $48 million settlement against the hospital for releasing her early – marking the first time a hospital stay cost both the patient and the hospital an arm and a leg.