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Three guests died from mysterious causes at Sandals resort in the Bahamas. The good news is their funerals are included.

Fred Savage was fired as an Executive Producer & Director from ABC’s The Wonder Years reboot for allegations of inappropriate conduct. He was given the news in a voice-over from actor Daniel Stern.

A German woman was found guilty of ‘stealthing’ after admitting to poking holes in her boyfriend’s condoms in an unsuccessful attempt to get pregnant. The man became suspicious when he had to pull staples out of the condom while putting it on.

Fugitive murderer Casey White and Alabama corrections officer Vicky White remain on the run after a week. Since experts believe Casey White is used to prison food, police in southern states have stakeouts set up at Golden Corral buffets.

Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves said his state is not currently considering bans on contraception such as Plan B pills or IUDs, saying Missippians already have a difficult enough time understanding where babies come from to begin with.

Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky said the company’s employees can work remotely, forever, without losing pay. Chesky reserved the right to reevaluate ‘forever’ in the case of employees who die.

Def Leppard said songs from new album ‘Diamond Star Halos’, will be “strongly represented” during their upcoming tour with Motley Crue. They want fans to have opportunity to buy beer and t-shirts before they play ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’.

The Penn State Nittany Lion shrine – a lion statue on the main campus – was vandalized during graduation weekend, with its ear broken off and sprayed with red paint. The shrine is decades old, so cops have ruled out Jerry Sandusky touching it.

A new study from Texas A&M shows that working from home has no negative impact on worker productivity – at least as long as you’re at your desk and not in bed or at a matinee.

The New York Times swapped out ‘fetus’ as Monday’s Wordle solution because of the controversy surrounding abortion rights, but said ‘sperm’ was still a decent starting word for the new solution.

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Researchers are looking for 10,000 dogs in order to test a pill that may slow the aging process in canines. They need 10,000 in order to get 10 dogs that don’t spit out the pill.

A Mommy Blogger is advocating parents adopt “The 4 Gift Rule” for Christmas presents. A Child Blogger is suggesting parents follow “The Don’t Listen To Her Rule”.  [ story h/t to A.D. ]

The FDA issued a warning to Dollar Tree for continuing to sell “unsafe drugs”. The specific drugs weren’t named publicly, but it’s believed they’re referring to top seller DollarContin.

An El Paso Walmart location that was the site of a mass shooting in August reopened this week. Walmart executives thought it was important to the community that the store open in time for residents to clobber each other on Black Friday.

After White House Advisor Stephen Miller was accused of promoting white supremacist literature, Democrats are calling for his resignation. “Yeah but if I quit, like. FIFTY other white racists will have to quit working here too” argued Miller.

Jeopardy! Tournament of Champions contestants are asking viewers to play along at home and donate $1 for each correct response to pancreatic cancer research in honor of Alex Trebek. They also ask that you don’t deduct $1 for wrong answers, you cheap idiots.

An Iowa City Methodist pastor accused of being a “practicing homosexual” is taking a leave of absence amidst complaints. The complaints are from parishioners who can’t believe the church floral arrangements are so terrible.

The Centers for Disease Control say smoking reached its lowest level ever in 2018. Most likely smokers are between ages 25 and 44, gay or bisexual, and members of certain minority groups. CNN anchor Don Lemon was introduced as the new Marlboro Man.

Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky said one customer demanded a full refund because the property they rented was haunted by a ghost. Chesky would not identify the customer, referring to him only as “Shaggy”.

Nine-year-old Laurent Simons will receive a bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering from Eindhoven University of Technology in Belgium. He plans on a career in medicine – a decision he made after becoming ill chugging juice boxes at his fraternity hazing.

A U.K. inventor flew over 85 mph in a backpack-mounted jet engine suit, breaking the world record. He was asked how he felt after the flight, but waited to answer until his ass stopped burning.