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Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee, 56, married Brittany Furlan, 32, on Valentine’s Day. “Holy shitballs, we did it!” Lee posted on Instagram, quoting from his wedding vows.

  • The two will share custody of Lee’s children from prior marriages, and his hepatitis.

HGTV’s ‘House Hunters’ may be changing its format to lose voice-over narration. Apparently producers are tired of editing out the narrator asking “where did these two idiots get six figures to buy a house?”

President Trump plans to declare a National Emergency to secure funding for his border wall with Mexico. This is Trump’s fourth major declaration, following his three bankruptcies.

Rumors are circulating that Lady Gaga and fiancé Christian Carino are breaking up. Insiders claim that she’s stopped wearing her engagement ring, and moved her meat dresses out of the couple’s refrigerator.

A woman having her foot and ankle amputated due to years of chronic pain from an equestrian accident wrote a “breakup note” on the foot with a Sharpie. Before taking anesthesia for the amputation, doctors still asked her four times which foot they were removing.

A study claims that women over 50 who consume more than one artificially-sweetened diet drink per day are at higher risk of stroke. The study appeared in the most recent issue of AMA journal ‘Stroke’ – the one with President Trump’s photo on the cover.

A new website thispersondoesnotexist.com demonstrates the ability of artificial intelligence to create convincing fake faces. The site was created by Philip Wang, a software engineer, to show his mom all of the girls he’s dated.

Amazon cancelled its plans to locate a new headquarters to Queens, after Jeff Bezos’ girlfriend Lauren Sanchez almost ran out of gas trying to find a skyscraper in the outer borough to land her helicopter.

Papa John’s announced they’ll pay 100% of employees tuition for online degree programs. Because if your experience delivering pizzas won’t get you your dream job, that B.A. from University of Phoenix definitely will.

George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and other stars are calling for the Motion Picture Academy to reverse its decision to announce four Oscar winners – including editing and live-action short film – during commercials. The actors say if Oscars viewers didn’t like being bored, ‘Roma’ wouldn’t be nominated for Best Picture.

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A federal judge dismissed Stormy Daniels’ defamation suit against President Trump, saying that Trump calling Daniels’ claims of threats & harassment “a total con job” was just ‘rhetorical hyperbole’. The judge added that he can’t really remember Trump using language that wasn’t ‘rhetorical hyperbole’.

Former American Idol Season 6 contestant Antonella Barba was arrested & charged with dealing heroin.  Her next performance will be a blues number.

Los Angeles Dodgers announcing legend Vin Scully declined an invite from Fox Sports’ Joe Buck to join him in the broadcast booth during the Dodgers/Brewers playoff game. Scully said that he wouldn’t want to get in the broadcasters’ spotlight in any way, especially if it meant listening to Joe Buck.

A Tennessee father attacked his son with a chainsaw, then lost his leg when the son ran over him with a riding lawn mower in self-defense. The father was charged with second-degree attempted murder, and neighbors were left wondering who was going to clean up the huge mess in the yard.

Lady Gaga confirmed her engagement to talent agent Christian Carino, or, as he’ll soon be known, Lord Gaga.

A New England Patriots fan who dumped beer on Kansas City wide receiver Tyreek Hill has been identified and had his case turned over to local law enforcement. He has also been banned from all Gillette Stadium events – but was spotted at a local Halloween store buying a disguise for a Kenny Chesney concert.

Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren made public results of a DNA test that she says proves her claim of Native American heritage. The DNA was swabbed from a deck of cards at an Indian casino where she worked as a blackjack dealer.

Will Smith appeared on wife Jada Pinkett Smith’s Facebook show, ‘Red Table Talk’ to discuss a low point in their marriage. Will Smith said that his wife ” woke up and cried for 45 days straight.” Jada said that she was drinking too much, and had also just watched ‘After Earth’.

Singer Roger Daltrey said in a new memoir he discovered he had fathered three ‘secret’ daughters in the time between his first and second marriages. “Who are you? Who? Who?” he asked them.

An article by Gizmodo claims that the ‘Do Not Track’ privacy feature in web browsers doesn’t work because websites refuse to abide by it. This was noticed by a guy receiving a gift basket on his fifth anniversary buying Pornhub Premium.