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Spirits maker Diageo and ‘Diddy’ ended their partnership after he accused them of marketing his Ciroc vodka and DeLeon tequila as “urban” brands. Diageo denied the claims, then shared a recipe mixing Ciroc & Colt 45 malt liquor as a ‘Diddypolitan’.

Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelce reportedly said “f… my life!” every time the team ran their famous ‘tush push’ short-yardage play. Quarterback Chase Young of the 2-15 Carolina Panthers said it before every play and practice.

A woman named Samantha Hart claims that her employer changes their email address protocol of first initial/last name to avoid the accidentally vulgar ‘shart@…’ prefix. She requested they just add a number so it’s ‘shart#2@…’

People with index fingers shorter than their ring fingers are more likely to be psychopaths. Just ask them to let go of the knife before you get a good look at their hands.

Kate, Princess of Wales, is expected to be hospitalized up to two weeks following abdominal surgery to remove several of the late Queen Elizabeth II’s famous scones that have been stuck there for years.

Google’s CEO Sundar Pichai warned staff that more layoffs are coming. It’s so bad, Google AI bots are sending out resumes.

Kanye West reportedly spent $850,000 to have his teeth removed and replaced with titanium dentures. He then paid Procter & Gamble $1 million to develop mint-flavored Dawn dish detergent so he could brush them.

3M began issuing payments after losing a $6 billion judgment over its combat earplugs not working. Injured soldiers would be happy to hear this news if they could.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said that head coach Mike McCarthy would return next season, despite the team’s blowout playoff loss to Green Bay. Asked to explain his decision, Jones stated “Belichick said no.”

A passenger on a budget airline was stuck in the jet’s bathroom for the duration of a flight because the lock broke. The passenger received an apology from the crew, but the passengers in the last rows next to the bathroom were the ones who really suffered.

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IHOP is offering free pancakes in honor of National Pancake Day, or as it’s known at IHOP, ‘Please Seat Me As Far Away From That Smelly Hobo Getting Free Pancakes’ Day.

Australian police arrested several men after finding 650 pounds of ephedrine – a key crystal meth ingredient – in highlighter markers.  Police arrested the smugglers after they told officers they needed the highlighters for a big “meth..uh, I mean math” test.

President Trump received harsh criticism for his assertion that he would have run in to the Parkland school shooting even if he didn’t have a weapon. Trump’s close allies doubt the President’s assertion, owing to a) the shooting happened on a Wednesday, not Taco Tuesday; and b) the cafeteria had closed for the day.

Apple is planning to open “AC Wellness” – in-house medical clinics for its employees. The move comes after multiple employee deaths from misdiagnoses and failed surgeries at the Genius Bar.

Disney is donating $1 Million in profits from ‘Black Panther’ to the Boys & Girls Clubs of America. Boys & Girls Clubs execs are planning to spend some of the money to send children on trips to Wakanda.

Liquor giant Diageo is issuing a Special Edition of its Johnnie Walker Black Label whiskey with a female logo, ‘Jane Walker’. The logo is unique in that once Jane fills up with scotch, her clothes come off.

Starting in April, the state of California will allow companies testing driverless cars to do so without a human riding in the car as backup. They will, however, require the autonomous car’s driver’s seat to be occupied by a mannequin of an 80-year-old in wraparound sunglasses so that there’s something for real people to yell at and flip off.

File sharing company Dropbox filed for an initial public offering; they sent a Dropbox link to the SEC and prospective investment bankers, most of whom replied “it’s not working”.

Netflix is premiering “Jinn”, its first original series in Arabic; it tells the story of teenagers who discover a genie and fight Middle Eastern stereotypes.

White House Communications Director Hope Hicks will meet on Tuesday with the House Intelligence Committee on Russian election interference. She’s expected to face tough questioning like “Did you ever hear anyone communicating with Russians?” from Democrats; and “What designer are you wearing?” from Republicans.