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NASA states that an asteroid may pass by Earth during Sunday’s Super Bowl. But, since the asteroid is expected to miss everybody by 2.9 million miles, they’re naming it Third String Quarterback.

President Trump called out Jay-Z on Twitter about Trump’s policy contributions to low black unemployment, while Jay-Z said that Omarosa and Ben Carson cancel each other out.

Casino mogul and accused sexual predator Steve Wynn stepped down as Finance Chairman of the Republican National Committee – in what Democrats are privately calling a Wynn-Win.

James Franco was removed from the cover of Vanity Fair‘s Hollywood issue due to his sexual misconduct allegations. However, Vanity Fair said they’d consider putting him on a future cover if he wants to pose topless & eight months pregnant.

Talentless blowhard Piers Morgan tweeted a ‘teaser’ of his interview with President Donald Trump, wherein Trump declares that he’s ‘not a feminist’. Trump believes instead of males being feminists, women should be self reliant, grabbing themselves by the pussy and pulling themselves up.

Florida Senator Marco Rubio fired his Chief of Staff Clint Reed over ‘improper relations with subordinates’. When presented with the facts, there was really Little Marco could do.

Replacing the refrigerators on Air Force One will cost taxpayers $24 million in parts & labor, and $50 million a year in Diet Coke and Haagen-Dazs.

Elon Musk’s The Boring Company is accepting preorders for a $500 flame thrower. A portion of the proceeds will go to awareness and prevention of really unique suicides.

Monthly movie theater subscription service MoviePass pulled out of support for some of AMC Theaters highest-traffic cinemas in the hope AMC will sweeten its deal terms, and because MoviePass found out the popcorn they serve was made weeks ago.

SpaceX is scheduled to launch the Falcon Heavy – the world’s largest rocket – in early February. The rocket is powerful enough to send humans to Mars, although its maiden launch will carry a dummy payload. Eric Trump said he can’t wait for his family’s space vacation next week.

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Missouri Governor Eric Greitens admitted to an extramarital affair, but denied allegations of blackmailing his mistress with a nude photo taken during their meeting. “Show us!” said Missourians.

The U.S. Army is having difficulty finding physically fit recruits due to the U.S. obesity problem. The good news is that the Army is making money from hilarious obstacle course videos with the unfit recruits they do get.

James Franco has been accused of sexual misconduct by five women, including one on the set of 127 Hours, where she says Franco touched her with the hand that wasn’t stuck under a boulder.

Congressional Democrats are planning to wear black and bring sexual assault survivors as guests to President Trump’s first State of the Union address. Asked if she planned to wear black, First Lady Melania Trump said it depends on whether she can find the right shoes.

Walmart is raising its starting wage to $11/hour and giving $1,000 bonuses to eligible employees in response to the U.S. tax cut. Bonus recipients have various plans for the money, although most said they’ll use it to escape poverty for a few days.

China blocked the Marriott Hotels app and website as punishment for listing Tibet, Taiwan, Macau & Hong Kong as separate countries – frustrating U.S. college students booking Spring Break trips to Tibet to find enlightenment and get wasted.

YouTube is punishing Logan Paul for his infamous ‘suicide forest’ video. In addition to making it harder for advertisers to find and place ads on his videos, Paul will have to watch 200 hours of Philadelphia Eagles fan videos discussing their upcoming game in the NFC Divisional Playoffs.

An analysis from Rhodium Group cites the U.S. Transportation Sector – cars & trucks – as the largest source of harmful greenhouse gas emissions for the second consecutive year, followed by the Energy Sector, and the Fast-Casual Mexican Dining sector.

Pizza Hut is working with Toyota to deliver pizzas in driverless vehicles. Early trials have been a mix of successful deliveries and errors – such as vehicles driving through front doors trying to hit the doorbell, and a high rate of cars quitting to start a band.

Some women participating in the 2018 Women’s March on January 20-21 are planning to ditch last year’s popular pink ‘pussy hats’, which they say exclude transgender women and women of color whose genitals aren’t pink — and besides, it hides their kicky new haircut.