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A bipartisan group of U.S. Senators want to ban social media use for children 13 & under. The legislation is opposed by pedophiles, who question how they’d meet young men & women.

The Stone of Scone arrived in London for King Charles’ coronation ceremony. Afterward, guests at the King’s Reception will be treated to tea and Scones of Stone.

Tim Bachman, co-founder of Bachman Turner Overdrive, passed away at age 71. His son Ryder said his last words were “I love you…please share the music” .. disappointing fans hoping they were “I’ll be takin’ care of business”.

An Arkansas mortuary worker is accused of shipping 20 boxes of human body parts to a buyer in Pennsylvania for $11,000. In a positive online review, the buyer was pleased at being able to buy brains, livers & skin without paying an arm and a leg.

A woman allegedly had a loud, full-body orgasm while attending an L.A. Philharmonic perfomance of Tchaikovsky’s 5th Symphony. The venue manager said it was unexpected, and the sort of thing that usually only happens at Air Supply concerts.

Hundreds of Catholics showed up to protest at Boston’s SatanCon, then wrapped it up to go hear a sermon from a guy who knows a lot of child molesters.

The Chino Valley, Arizona school district is trying to attract teachers by building a cluster of 400 square foot “tiny homes” that district teachers can rent for $500/month. Teachers receive a starting salary of $550/month.

Nick Cannon celebrated the birthday of his 12-year-old twins by renting out an entire Six Flags theme park – one flag for each of his baby-mamas.

A man with a self-described ‘micropenis’ went viral after he participated in a Reddit “Ask Me Anything” to explain how he meets women. He said he tries to screen for women who prefer sucking on jellybeans instead of chewing them.

Aerosmith announced a multi-city Farewell Tour. No word on opening acts, although they’ve been approached by KISS who are currently wrapping up their own Farewell Tour.

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Apple virtual reality headset, the Reality Pro, will reportedly cost $3,000 and run thousands of existing iPad apps, until you bump your head and the screen cracks.

Jeff Shell, CEO of Comcast’s NBC Universal division, was terminated after having an inappropriate relationship with a female employee. Like many NBC shows, Shell was cancelled.

The estate of Marvin Gaye is suing Ed Sheeran, saying one of his songs bears striking similarity to Gaye’s ‘Let’s Get It On’. Jurors will listen to Sheeran’s song until they beg ‘Let’s Shut It Off’.

McDonald’s is adding white onions to their signature burger patties while they’re on the grill instead of afterward. They’re receiving hundreds of complaints from customers who don’t want onions, but still want high levels of sodium, fat & calories.

Fans of Dancing With The Stars mourned the loss of former judge Len Goodman, who passed away at age 78. Funeral arrangements will be announced just as soon as pallbearers learn a proper Foxtrot.

Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders is selling “Real Woman” beer can ‘koozies’, apparently in response to the Bud Light trans controversy. Huckabee Sanders wants to appear on the outside of beer cans, since her picture is already on cans of Alpo.

Bed Bath & Beyond filed for bankruptcy, as creditors refused to honor coupons for 20% off their debt.

Only 1 in 3 fourth graders in the U.S. was at or above reading proficiency according to the Department of Education. 2 out of 3, however, were absolutely killing it at Fortnite.

Caitlyn Jenner said trans influencer-slash-Bud Light promo partner Dylan Mulvaney is “fringe” and “not good” for the LGBT movement. Jenner said she has “nothing in common” with Mulvaney, although even casual observers assume there’s at least one thing they both have.

Prince Harry will attend King Charles’ coronation, but will be placed ten rows back from other members of the Royal Family. Harry is reportedly furious at both the seat location, and the $80 in fees on top of the price of the seat at Ticketmaster.