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Apple virtual reality headset, the Reality Pro, will reportedly cost $3,000 and run thousands of existing iPad apps, until you bump your head and the screen cracks.

Jeff Shell, CEO of Comcast’s NBC Universal division, was terminated after having an inappropriate relationship with a female employee. Like many NBC shows, Shell was cancelled.

The estate of Marvin Gaye is suing Ed Sheeran, saying one of his songs bears striking similarity to Gaye’s ‘Let’s Get It On’. Jurors will listen to Sheeran’s song until they beg ‘Let’s Shut It Off’.

McDonald’s is adding white onions to their signature burger patties while they’re on the grill instead of afterward. They’re receiving hundreds of complaints from customers who don’t want onions, but still want high levels of sodium, fat & calories.

Fans of Dancing With The Stars mourned the loss of former judge Len Goodman, who passed away at age 78. Funeral arrangements will be announced just as soon as pallbearers learn a proper Foxtrot.

Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders is selling “Real Woman” beer can ‘koozies’, apparently in response to the Bud Light trans controversy. Huckabee Sanders wants to appear on the outside of beer cans, since her picture is already on cans of Alpo.

Bed Bath & Beyond filed for bankruptcy, as creditors refused to honor coupons for 20% off their debt.

Only 1 in 3 fourth graders in the U.S. was at or above reading proficiency according to the Department of Education. 2 out of 3, however, were absolutely killing it at Fortnite.

Caitlyn Jenner said trans influencer-slash-Bud Light promo partner Dylan Mulvaney is “fringe” and “not good” for the LGBT movement. Jenner said she has “nothing in common” with Mulvaney, although even casual observers assume there’s at least one thing they both have.

Prince Harry will attend King Charles’ coronation, but will be placed ten rows back from other members of the Royal Family. Harry is reportedly furious at both the seat location, and the $80 in fees on top of the price of the seat at Ticketmaster.

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Electronics maker Withings introduced the U-Scan, a toilet sensor that analyzes urine for nutritional and metabolic levels. A sensor for women goes in the bowl, the sensor for men goes on the floor next to it.

Dunkin is partnering with the American Red Cross to encourage blood donations. They’re offering a free drink to anyone who donates blood, provided they haven’t drunk Dunkin coffee in the past 60 days.

Idaho murder suspect Bryan Kohberger reportedly applied for a police internship. He was rejected based on his preference for stabbing innocent people instead of shooting them.

Ovidio Guzman, son of Juan ‘El Chapo’ Guzman, was arrested in Mexico. Federal police say he’s the leader of the Sinaloa drug cartel, making him a Chipo off the ol’ Chapo.

A doctor battled to save the life of a passenger whose heart stopped twice on a 5-hour flight from the UK to India. The doctor restored the heartbeat once, then the passenger ate the in-flight chicken salad sandwich and it stopped again.

In an effort to restore goodwill, Southwest Airlines is giving 25,000 frequent flyer miles in addition to refunds to passengers impacted by the 15,000 flights it cancelled. Then Southwest announced it was cancelling their frequent flyer program.

Ukraine rejected Russia’s call for a cease fire during their war to observe Russian Orthodox Christmas. Just in case, Russian Orthodox Santa Claus outfitted his reindeer with body armor and upgraded his sleigh’s missile defense system.

GOP Congressman Kevin McCarthy lost 11 consecutive votes in a bid to become Speaker of the House. The good news is he was unanimously voted Mr. Congeniality.

Prince Harry is being criticized for a claim in his new autobiography that he killed 25 Taliban fighters during his tour in Afghanistan with the British Army. However, the Taliban admits multiple soldiers choked to death on scones Harry gave them.

Amidst mounting losses and large debt, a major household retailer plans to file for Bed Bath & Bankruptcy.