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A new company is using Artificial Intelligence to help bartenders determine who to serve next in a crowded bar. The AI identifies which customer has the largest breasts.

In India, a 7-year-old boy underwent a procedure to have 526 teeth removed from his jaw…and boy is his bully’s arm tired.

A man speaking into his Apple Watch helped first responders locate him in the rubble of his collapsed house. It’s believed to be the first time anyone moved closer to a douchebag talking into their Apple Watch.

The CrossFit Games wrapped up over the weekend in Madison Wisconsin. Wisconsin dairy farmers want to know when they’re getting their goddamned tractor tires back.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell fell at his Kentucky home and fractured his shoulder. He was transported to a local hospital, where doctors took x-rays to rule out an injury to his backbone, before determining that he doesn’t have one.

A man in Spain was arrested after filming a video throwing a refrigerator off of a cliff. He was ordered by police to haul the refrigerator back up, and was ordered by his wife to clean out the rotten produce drawer.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest released its list of unhealthiest foods from chain restaurants. Their worst offender is Sonic’s Oreo Peanut Butter Master Shake, which has 1,700 calories, and, they claim, is like eating 15 Oreos with a cup of lard. A Sonic spokesperson clarified that the cup of lard costs extra.

Egyptian officials say that King Tut’s coffin is in “very bad condition”, adding “and that’s just the outside.”

The author of a viral post claims to have found a hot dog that tastes like steak. They discovered it by trying the steak at Golden Corral.

The Philadelphia Phillies are suing the company that created their Phillie Phanatic mascot to keep it from working for other teams.  Agents for the Phanatic want more money, and say the Phillies are already paying millions to other guys in Phillies jerseys who can’t hit or pitch.

 

 

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Police in West Mifflin, Pennsylvania are looking for a woman who urinated on potatoes at a Walmart there. The Walmart manager is also looking for her to see if she’s planning to show up for her next shift.

Philadelphia Police believe robbers who stole $4,000 from a Chipotle restaurant are the same ones who robbed two Popeye’s chicken locations over the weekend. Law enforcement remains on the lookout for the Clogged Artery Bandits.

100 million Capital One customers were the victim of a massive data breach. What’s in your wallet? If you’re a hacker, probably a few dozen social security numbers.

Actress and co-star of the original ‘Top Gun’, Kelly McGillis, said she was never contacted about appearing in the ‘Top Gun: Maverick’ sequel, claiming she was Goose’d by producers.

A Maryland man missing for five days in the woods was rescued after being spotted by a volunteer’s drone equipped with a camera. The drone owner said he was surprised to find the man, since he typically only uses it to look in bedroom windows.

Delta Airlines is taking heat for refusing to fly a service dog to the family of a two-year-old in California who suffers from seizure disorders. Delta first said the dog was a pit bull – which is isn’t – then lied again, saying the dog couldn’t open the boarding pass on its smartphone.

Thailand’s highest restaurant and bar opened on the 76th and 77th floor of the King Mahanakhon Skyscraper in Bangkok. Owners are trying to keep the place classy by forcing Bangkok’s notorious hookers to take the stairs.

A new study claims 1 in 4 food delivery workers eat some of the food they’re bringing to customers. Delivery workers say the best way to prevent it from happening is ordering meals for delivery from Arby’s.

A 16-year-old Pottsgrove, Pennsylvania boy won $3 million as Champion of the first-ever Fortnite World cup video game competition. Asked what his plans are for the money, he didn’t know, other than getting the hell out of Pottsgrove, Pennsylvania.

Mat Fraser, “Fittest Man on Earth”, is seeking his fifth gold medal in this weekend’s 2019 Crossfit Games in Madison, Wisconsin. The games will be broadcast by word-of-mouth from everyone who’s constantly telling you they’re doing Crossfit.