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Heat in Canada’s western provinces was so extreme, that mussels, clams and other shellfish were cooked alive on shore. Seals were given pagers to let them know when it was their turn to eat.

Statues of Confederate generals, including Robert E. Lee, were removed from Charlottesville, Virginia. They’ll be replaced with statues of other famous second-place finishers.

Recorded temperature at the Furnace Creek Visitor Center in California’s Death Valley National Park reached 130 degrees. Bears stopped in to the lodge to cool off before mauling exhausted hikers for a hot meal.

Passengers on an American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Miami were ordered to place their hands on their heads for the final hour of the flight due to a reported threat. A screaming passenger was arrested, and dozens of others were treated for spilling Diet Coke into their hair & eyes.

Robert O’Neill, the Navy Seal widely credited with shooting Osama Bin Laden in the face, is seeking investors for his Armed Forces Beer Company. The beer, unlike Bin Laden, has a pretty good head on it.

The Delta Variant of COVID-19 has almost completely taken over reported cases in the U.S. It’s so prevalent, the only places you can still get original COVID are Big Lots & Ollie’s Bargain Outlet.

New York’s famed Comedy Cellar does not want Bill Cosby to perform there if he resumes standup comedy. Other clubs are taking a wait-and-see attitude to see if he meets a 10-person bringer requirement.

Music mogul & talent manager Scooter Braun is rumored to be splitting from his wife, Yael. They share three children, but it appears she may be done riding her Scooter.

A California woman is suing, claiming her NutriNinja blender severely cut three of her fingers, and that the blood changed her green smoothie to yellow.

Gypsy moths are getting a new name to remove what some consider an ethnic slur. They’ll now be know as Traveling Scam Artist moths.

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A judge in Oregon ordered a 15-year-old boy to pay $36 million in restitution for starting the Eagle Creek wildfires, which burned 48,000 acres. His lawyers plan to appeal, but in the meantime the boy has increased his lawn-mowing fee to $75,000.

McDonald’s board of directors will be asked to consider a ban on plastic drinking straws. The move comes as environmental advocates try to curb single-use plastics, and as families mourn the loss of loved ones who died from collapsed lungs trying to suck up Shamrock Shakes.

JCPenney, mired in losses as it struggles to turn business around, suffered another blow as CEO Marvin Ellison said he’s leaving to become CEO of home improvement chain Lowe’s.  Ellison immediately announced a new aisle at Lowe’s for customers who mow their lawn in cargo shorts, sandals and black dress socks.

President Trump is angry at reports an FBI informant met with members of his Presidential Campaign advisory staff. Justice and Intelligence department officials are refusing to confirm the existence or name of the informant, but are privately concerned at Eric Trump’s inability to keep a secret.

Stacey Cunningham is set to become the first female President of the New York Stock Exchange. She states that her first order of business is coming up with a way for stock shoppers to return ones they don’t like.

After winning Season 16 of American Idol, winner Maddie Poppe announced she’s dating runner-up Caleb Lee Hutchinson — creating a music-industry power couple you won’t be able to remember in a week.

A couple in Upstate New York filed a petition with the state Supreme Court to have their son evicted from their home. The son, in turn, filed his own petition asking that he be allowed to remain in the house until he finishes God of War.

Former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink, author of new book ‘Way of the Warrior Kid’ recommends getting up every day at 4:30a.m.  Willink says that you can get a lot of self-betterment tasks done between 4:30 and 7a.m., and besides, it’s so much easier to kill people before they get out of bed.

Sex videos of WWE Star wrestler Paige have leaked onto the Internet. The videos reportedly show her having sex with wrestler Xavier Woods in a position they call ‘climbing the turnbuckle’.

Conservatives responded angrily when it was announced that Michelle and Barack Obama will be producing content for Netflix. One, because they’re sick of the Obamas; and two, because their first production is another Adam Sandler movie.