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Kansas State Wildcats center Ayoka Lee scored 61 points in their 94-65 win over Oklahoma, breaking an NCAA women’s basketball scoring record previously shared by two other people you’ve never heard of.

A Michigan woman who bought a lottery ticket online found a notification that she’d won $3 million in her email spam folder. She’s now engaged to a Nigerian prince she met via the next email in her spam folder.

Sarah Palin tested positive for COVID-19 just before her defamation trial against the New York Times was to begin. Palin, who is unvacccinated, may opt to get Russia’s Sputnik vaccine since she believes a clinic is very close to her house.

A&E Network will release ‘Secrets of Playboy‘, a docuseries about alleged abusive behavior of Hugh Hefner. It’s 10 episodes long, although most men will skip to the three in the center.

A man stowed away in the wheel well of a jet survived an 11-hour flight from South Africa to Amsterdam. The airline explained he was several frequent flyer miles short of an upgrade.

Bucks County, Pennsylvania passed laws limiting the hours of massage parlors, and making it illegal for customers or employees to expose their genitals. So far, 75 divorced guys have applied to be County Enforcement Officer.

A couple in Tamil Nadu, India – where in-person gatherings are limited – will have their reception in the Metaverse, so 2,000 avatars can attend, including one representing the groom’s deceased father, who’s expected to complain his son didn’t marry a different woman he’d picked out.

Actor James Snyder was fired from his Broadway role portraying Harry Potter, after repeatedly asking a female co-star for a Hufflepuff.

AT&T launched 5-gigabyte-per-second Internet service in Los Angeles, leading blond actors & comics to immediately sign up, thinking they’ve landed five gigs.

100 lab monkeys escaped after their vehicle crashed into a dump truck on a Pennsylvania highway. They were all eventually recaptured, and a professor will soon publish his research paper on why it’s a bad idea to let a monkey drive an 18-wheeler.

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GOP House Speaker Paul Ryan said that he will retire from politics, saying he wants to be more than a ‘weekend father’ – and a ‘weekday White House nanny’.

A Nigerian man was arrested after being caught in possession of over $400,000 in counterfeit bills. Police were alerted to the scam by an email from the Prince of Nigeria.

Conservative commentator Jamie Allman’s St. Louis-area tv show was canceled after tweeting about preparing a hot poker to shove up the ass of Parkland high schooler and gun reform advocate David Hogg. Sinclair Broadcasting, owner of Allman’s old network, said that the poker comment was the byproduct of an unusually cold winter.

Spotify and Hulu are teaming up to offer a $13 monthly subscription bundle. It comes with unlimited time on hold for tech support.

Lizzy Martinez, a 17-year-old Florida high-school student was forced to cover her ‘distracting’ protruding nipples with band-aids because she wasn’t wearing a bra. Martinez is organizing a ‘bracott’ for Monday, but wasn’t available to talk about it because she’s like, literally, buried with promposals.

Following Martinez’ nipple incident, the Florida state legislature convened an emergency session to pass a bill requiring high-school girls to wear clear plastic blouses to prove they’re wearing a bra.

Stormy Daniels’ ‘Make America Horny Again’ Wednesday shows at Truth Detroit strip club were postponed. A spokesman for the club said there was a problem with the private jet bringing Daniels to Detroit. The problem is that it broke down, and also that it’s a Kia Sedona.

California Gov Jerry Brown announced they’ll send some National Guard members to patrol the California/Mexico border. The California guards are expected to arrive just as soon as they complete mandatory spray tanning and fittings for red swimsuits.

NASA announced research project Micro-11, where they’ll be shooting frozen human sperm in to space. The project was delayed while NASA scientists determined how to allow astronauts to spacewalk without pants on, and how to project porn on the outer wall of the International Space Station.

Secretary of State nominee Mike Pompeo faces a Senate confirmation hearing, with Democrats asking about his plans for dealing with North Korea and the humanitarian crisis in Syria – and Republicans asking if he’s related to Ellen Pompeo of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’.