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Pope Francis revealed confidential details of the secret papal voting conclave in an interview for an upcoming book. He claims he was asked to participate in a scheme to block the election of Pope Benedict in 2005 – but Mike Pence refused to help.

Donald Trump’s $175 million bond to appeal his New York State financial fraud conviction was issued by high interest auto lender Knight Insurance Group. Details weren’t revealed but it’s believed to cost him 20% every month, but they’re throwing in a repossessed Pontiac Aztek.

Regulators are concerned over the growing popularity of smokeless, tobacco-free nicotine pouches such as Zyn among young people, creating a new wave of nicotine addiction. Zyn pouches surpassed Takis as the most-traded-for item in junior high cafeterias.

Executive consultancy McKinsey is cutting staff, but is paying them to find new jobs. The bad news is they have to pay other McKinsey consultants $500/hour to help them.

‘Selling Sunset’ celebrity realtor Christine Quinn obtained a restraining order against husband Christian Dumontet after his violent outbursts. Quinn has downgraded their marriage from ‘fixer upper’ to ‘total teardown’.

Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky is lowering the draft age for the national army, fortifying troop levels, but making high school girls soccer teams less competitive.

Researchers discovvered that the nutrients in vegetables such as green beans, broccoli and asparagus have dropped significantly over the last 50 years. This evidence was presented to a young couple by their 3rd-grader as he lobbied to have Froot Loops for dinner.

200 musicians authored an open letter calling on tech companies to refrain from irresponsible use of Artificial Intelligence. The letter was signed by artists including Billie Eilish, Nicki Minaj, hologram Tupac and the four avatars who now make up KISS.

New York’s Metropolitan Transit Authority, MTA, wants to charge runners in the NYC Marathon for crossing the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge. Or if they don’t want to pay up, swim across the Hudson River and call it the NYC Two-Thirds Of A Triathlon.

NFL Network ‘Good Morning Football’ host Jamie Erdahl described complications surrounding the emergency c-section birth of her daughter on March 30th. Her daughter is healthy, but her co-host’s use of the telestrator as she told the story was awkward.

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Sprint and T-Mobile called off merger plans. Conference calls to discuss the deal kept dropping.

Supermodel Kate Upton married Houston Astros pitching ace Justin Verlander in Tuscany, just days after the Astros’ World Series win. Verlander missed the Astros victory parade, but still managed to see some big floats.

Gonorrhea rates are up 63% in Australia over the last five years, as Health Dept. authorities there express concern over the emergence of skinnier, sexier kangaroos.

Former NASCAR champion Matt Kenseth announced his retirement, citing inability to find a sponsor. Kenseth said he never thought his career would take such a right turn.

Shalane Flanagan became the first American woman in 40 years to win the women’s division of the NYC Marathon, as ICE agents throughout the course touted a successful roundup of Kenyans.

Pharmacy giant CVS plans to offer next-day delivery of prescription drugs nationwide, and may offer same-day delivery in some urban markets, in an effort to stave off competition from Amazon and those sketchy guys who hang out on the corner.

Utah passed a bill to change their anti-bigamy law. Current Utah law says bigamy applies when a married man “spiritually” weds another woman, leading thousands of men to request divorces from women they spiritually married for a hundred bucks.

Scientists have discovered a 30-meter ‘void’ in the Great Pyramid of Giza. Further investigation is required to determine whether it’s a Pharoah Cave or Scrapbooking Room.

President Trump arrived in Japan, and was presented with a gift from Japan’s Prime Minister Shinzo Abe – a custom hat embroidered with the slogan ‘Donald & Shinzo – Make Alliance Even Greater’. Trump said it reminded him of the slogan on favors from his wedding, ‘Donald & Melania – She Signed the Prenup’.

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania say the number of assaults go up by nearly 3 percent once Daylight Savings Time ends in early November, and that’s just counting their latest bus ride back to campus in Philadelphia on Sunday.