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Bradley Cooper attended his 30th high school reunion in suburban Philadelphia – but was still unable to convince anyone there to watch Maestro.

Amazon reported record-breaking orders over the Black Friday holiday weekend, with workers filling over 400 million bottles of urine.

Tiger Woods announced he’ll return to play at the Hero World Challenge in the Bahamas. Tiger said his putting and iron shots are good, but that his driving still occasionally puts him in a ditch with a shattered ankle.

The NHL Chicago Blackhawks terminated the contract of forward Corey Perry, and attempted to squash rumors that he’d had sex with the mother of 18-year-old teammate Conor Bedard. For the record, Bedard’s mom said she’s only interested in Chicago Bulls.

After working Thanksgiving and Sunday games, CBS Sports will give Tony Romo & Jim Nantz a break in NFL Week 13. NBC Sports announced that, despite an online petition with 75 million signatures, Cris Collinsworth will still call the Sunday night game.

Melania Trump attended Rosalynn Carter’s funeral, and was the only former White House resident in attendance not wearing black. She explained her husband told her she was attending a runway show during Plains, Georgia Fall Fashion Week.

Kansas announced a redesign of their 2024 license plate after complaints from residents who say the word KANSAS is too big and makes them vulnerable to insults from other motorists.

High winds toppled the National Christmas Tree at the White House – continuing the trend of the last two Presidents who also couldn’t stay erect.

Kylie Jenner flew to London to attend boyfriend Timothee Chalamet’s ‘Wonka‘ movie premiere – where she joined Chalamet at the after-party while he affectionately caressed her WonkaDonk.

An underaged girl – alleged to have had an inappropriate relationship with Oklahoma Thunder guard Josh Giddey – and her family are not cooperating with the NBA’s investigation. The family is requesting privacy while the girl waits in line to see Santa.

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Tiffany Haddish was arrested for her second DUI in as many years, both times falling asleep behind the wheel of her vehicle. She’s thinking of either entering rehab, or getting a Tesla that can drunk-drive itself.

For the third time, Diddy was sued by a woman alleging sexual assault and physical abuse – once again leaving fans to wonder Diddy? or Diddny? If this keeps up, he’s considering another name change to Diddn’t.

Wildlife officials warn that feral Canadian “super pigs” are threatening to migrate to the U.S. You’ll know them by their unique “Oonk”.

Life At Sea Cruises canceled their planned 3-year global voyage after admitting to ticketholders that they don’t have a boat. Despite issuing refunds, they’re facing lawsuits from passengers who rented out their homes, and adult children who thought they wouldn’t have to see their parents for three years.

Former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin was stabbed in a federal prison in Tucson the day after Thanksgiving. In other news, the inmate store posted record sales of shanks during their Black Friday Cellbuster Deal Day.

Pope Francis cancelled his planned Thanksgiving activities after being briefly hospitalized with the flu – but gave thanks that he caught the flu from some cute young altar boys.

Elon Musk’s Neuralink brain chip implant company raised $43 million in funding, after he told other billionaires with chips implanted in their brains to give him $43 million.

Black Friday shoppers were evacuated from the American Dream Mall in New Jersey, following a bomb scare by someone threatening to turn it in to the Iraqi Dream Mall.

Taylor Swift posed for a photo with five family members of Ana Clara Benevides, who died of heat exhaustion & cardiac arrest at her concert in Brazil a week earlier. Her funeral is postponed after the family blew $2,000 each on concert tickets.

The NBA is investigating claims that Oklahoma Thunder guard Josh Giddey had an inappropriate relationship with a minor. In the meantime, Giddey will continue to play, and the young woman will enter the NBA’s Development Program for Groupies.