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Rebecca Rivers, an employee activist at Google who participated in protests against the company’s policies and partnerships, said she has been terminated. Her search job has now become a job search.

Bill Cosby said in a new interview he expects to serve his full 10=year sentence instead of saying he’s sorry. His prison’s warden said that’s okay, Cosby can say he’s sorry and still serve 10 years.

Burglars in Dresden, Germany broke into one of Europe’s oldest museums, stealing  priceless ancient jewels historians say have immeasurable material and cultural value.  “Tell me about it” said the manager of a Pandora store burglarized over the weekend.

President Trump hosted Conan, the dog that assisted in a successful raid on ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. Trump said he asked the dog’s handlers what chance a “tough, strong fighter” would have against the dog. They replied “none…same as you.”

Detroit Lions fans are considering boycotting the team’s annual Thanksgiving Day home game to protest the team’s terrible performance. Others plan to go, since they say watching locals get beat up is part of life in Detroit.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders told the New York Times she doesn’t like being called a liar. Tuesday she told Fox News that President Trump reads more than anyone she knows. Finally, she told a third interviewer that she, her husband and children are all illiterate.

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade may not include iconic character balloons due to forecast high winds — confirming the opinion from people of all ages who think the parade blows.

Airbus plans to test the fuel-saving effects of jumbo jets “tailgating” – one jet flying closely behind another – on trans-Atlantic fights. So far they’re still training the pilot in front not to slam on the brakes in midair, and the pilot in back not to start a fistfight in the terminal after they’ve landed.

A man in China treated his ear infection by stuffing a clove of garlic in it and leaving it there for two months. It fermented and had to be surgically removed, since it was also blocking removal of the chopped onions.

An 88-year-old Ohio man used a 3-foot nutcracker outdoor Christmas ornament to hit a pit bull that attacked a small girl. The girl suffered minor injuries, and the pit bull complained that the holiday decorations were out too soon.

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Passengers on Jet Airways Flight 697 from Mumbai to Jaipur, India, started bleeding from their nose and ears mid-flight because the flight crew forgot to pressurize the cabin, and because many of them were sitting next to babies that had eaten spicy Indian food.

Facebook launched Facebook Dating in Colombia, making it much easier to find a boyfriend who can score you some cocaine.

Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein resigned following a New York Times story stating he discussed taping President Trump or having him removed from office for incompetence. Rosenstein, who oversees Special Counsel Robert Mueller, is expected to be replaced by The Apprentice champion Bret Michaels of Poison.

LinkedIn published an article entitled ‘How Robots Are Hiring Job Candidates’. The answer, of course, is by identifying attractive candidates who like to have sex with robots.

A second woman has accused Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault, turning his #MeToo problem into a #MeThree problem.

Bill Cosby will be sentenced this week for his sexual assault conviction, and his sentence will be repeated in about six or seven weeks.

An Australian mother watched in horror as an eastern brown snake – one of the most lethally venomous land snakes in the world – slithered through a window and into her baby’s crib. The baby wasn’t in the crib at the time, and the snake was safely captured and removed, but only after hearing ‘Goodnight Moon’ three times.

Congress is expected to pass a sweeping bill to regulate the U.S. aviation industry, including making it illegal to bump & remove passengers who have already boarded an overbooked flight. The news was welcomed by frequent fliers, but disappointing to United Airlines’ newly-hired bouncers.

Cody Wilson, the firearms activist who controversially issued plans for untraceable 3D-printed guns, was arrested on charges of paying for sex with an underage woman. Prosecutors charged him with statutory sexual assault and submitted their evidence, including a 3D-printed condom.

On  a new ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’, Kris Jenner said that she was the one who pulled her granddaughter, Stormi, from Kylie Jenner during birth. Kris was able to remove the newborn with one hand, and get Stormi’s footprint on a personal services contract with the other.

SiriusXM is buying streaming service Pandora for $3.5 billion, but has yet to announce to Pandora users how many skips they’ll get.

 

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Britain’s government is giving Queen Elizabeth a 78% annual pay raise, from $54.6 to $97 million. The main reason is for repairs to Buckingham Palace, although Her Majesty was seen driving a Lamborghini and sporting a new platinum dental grill.

Pandora CEO Tim Westergren has resigned, following a week of Pandora aggressively suggesting playlists of breakup songs.

Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has delayed the Senate vote on Trumpcare; according to insiders, the bill is “hanging by a thread”. Incidentally, that thread is not covered by Trumpcare.

A global shortage of bee and wasp venom is worrying the medical community, who need the venom for allergy vaccines. The shortage is being blamed on global warming, and on the bees’ & wasps’ demands to be paid a living wage.

Japan’s postal service is selling postage stamps featuring Super Mario, Princess Peach, Luigi and Toad. Donkey Kong and Bowser stamps were pulled since they kept wrecking letters.

Deceased artist Salvadore Dali’s body will be exhumed as part of a paternity suit against his estate. A 56 year old woman claims that she is a legitimate heir; Dali’s family claims their father has been framed.

A Czechoslovakian nuclear power plant angered women by holding a Bikini Photo Contest to determine which interns would be hired. The women were further angered when they found out all of the winners were men.

 

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Chinese officials are cracking down on the latest toy craze – a tiny crossbow that costs a dollar and can shoot toothpicks over 60 feet. One 10-year old boy has suffered eye damage, presumably after his friend tried shooting an apple off of his head.

  • Here in the U.S., illegal imports of the crossbow have been used in several daring daylight candy store robberies.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop.com website was smacked down by NASA for incorrectly stating that “healing stickers” sold on the site used carbon fiber technology from NASA spacesuits. NASA said it was a lie. Paltrow replied saying “Astronauts read Goop.com!”

The White House once again held its daily press briefing off camera. CNN sent a sketch artist to record the proceedings – their first drawing was of Spicer trying to take his colored pencils away.

The Center for Disease Control released their annual survey of teen sexual behavior. Teens stated their top 3 birth control methods are condoms, withdrawal, and pills. In other words, condom breaks, do it anyway, get Plan B.

The contestant contract for ABC’s Bachelor in Paradise was leaked — men & women appearing on the show agree not to hold producers liable even if the contestants are lied to, injured or contract an STD. The contract is supposedly modeled after Donald Trump’s prenup.

Martha, a 3 year old Napoleon Mastiff was named World’s Ugliest Dog at the annual contest in California. Martha’s owner describes her as “snoring, drooling and gassy”. Martha describes her owner as “no picnic either”.

Rumors are swirling that Pandora CEO Tim Westergren will soon be out. He’s tried meeting with the Board of Directors, but they’re using all of their skips to avoid him.