Uber is reportedly developing an on-demand staffing business, where small business operators and event planners can hire security guards, waiters & other temporary hires to sexually harass guests and coworkers.
Kleenex, responding to calls of sexism, is renaming their extra-large tissues currently branded as Mansize. “Whatever”, said a guy masturbating.
An off-duty Delta Airlines flight attendant is taking legal action after he was recorded in a cabin lavatory having a sexual encounter with gay porn star Austin Wolf. Meanwhile, everyone else wonders how two men, a director, a camera operator and a lighting tech all fit in an airplane bathroom.
A Southwest Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Dallas made an emergency landing in Albuquerque after a male passenger became belligerent over being moved because the woman next to him was harassed by his unwanted game of “footsie”. She said she finally complained when the game of “footsie” turned into “penissie”.
Presidential daughter-in-law Lara Trump told Fox News that the ‘Kavanaugh effect’ is inspiring women to vote for Republicans. Asked what the ‘Kavanaugh effect’ means, she said it’s like Stockholm Syndrome, only you sympathize with your sexual assailant.
Tesla founder Elon Musk said that he’s launching ‘Teslaquila’, a new tequila brand. You can drink it while the car drives itself.
Rihanna reportedly turned down an offer to perform at halftime of the 2019 Super Bowl. A source claims that it was a show of support for Colin Kaepernick, and also because producers wouldn’t guarantee they could hide the bag she needs to carry a tune.
Andrew Wallet, the conservator of Britney Spears’ estate, is demanding to be paid $426,000/year because he claims his fiscal management has kept Spears from drugs and other financial mistakes during her Las Vegas residency. He’s also seeking damages for pain & suffering from having to watch her shows so many times.
The NBA is reportedly fining players for getting visible tattoos of corporate logos. J.R. Smith and Lonzo Ball have been asked to cover their Supreme streetwear and Big Baller logo tatts, respectively, because neither are league sponsors. Another player was asked to cover his Payless Shoes logo because it’s just embarrassing.
The first U.S. case of Andes Virus has been recorded by the Centers for Disease Control. The virus is carried by rats and was contracted by a 29-year-old female hiker returning from the Andes region. U.S. customs officials are taking steps to screen travelers returning from the region – especially backpacking rats.