A blast from the undersea volcano Hunga Tonga-Hunga Ha’apai dispersed enough gas & vapor to warm the earth for several months. Environmental scientists equated the impact to the entire world eating a Cheesy Beef Gordita Supreme.

James Earl Jones retired from voicing Darth Vader. Going forward, Darth Vader will become the first evil Imperial Lord of the Sith to communicate using American Sign Language.

Grateful Dead spinoff group Dead & Co announced the Summer 2023 tour will be their last. After that they’ll just be Dead.

Sir Elton John performed on the South Lawn of The White House on Friday, then was “flabbergasted” by President Biden presenting him the National Humanities Medal. Elton was already flabbergasted by Biden singing all the words to ‘The Bitch Is Back’.

Tyler Perry responded to criticism from other black leaders – including Spike Lee – that his Madea character perpetuates negative black stereotypes. ‘Madea Halloween III: Madea Addresses Negative Black Stereotypes‘ opens Friday.

Rihanna will headline the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Her partner & baby daddy A$AP Rocky awaits trial on assault with a deadly weapon, and hopes to avoid being named headliner of the Prison Recreation Yard Talent Show.

A Tik Tok influencer shared the story of having sex with the Best Man at her father’s wedding. Or, as she called it, the Sugar Daddy/Daughter Dance.

A new study by New Mexico researchers links penis size to personality, stating men with larger penises are ‘more outgoing’. The researchers shared their findings after watching movies where men with large penises had little trouble meeting, and interacting with, women with large breasts.

Florida Governor Ron Desantis gave an update on preparations for the arrival of Hurricane Ian. He’s working with storm chasers to see if he can fly it to the coast of Massachusetts.

Comedian Rob O’Reilly was fired by Carnival Cruises for using the N-word during his performances on the ship. Passengers said his racist language was the third or fourth thing on their cruise that made them sick.

Uber is reportedly developing an on-demand staffing business, where small business operators and event planners can hire security guards, waiters & other temporary hires to sexually harass guests and coworkers.

Kleenex, responding to calls of sexism, is renaming their extra-large tissues currently branded as Mansize. “Whatever”, said a guy masturbating.

An off-duty Delta Airlines flight attendant is taking legal action after he was recorded in a cabin lavatory having a sexual encounter with gay porn star Austin Wolf. Meanwhile, everyone else wonders how two men, a director, a camera operator and a lighting tech all fit in an airplane bathroom.

A Southwest Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Dallas made an emergency landing in Albuquerque after a male passenger became belligerent over being moved because the woman next to him was harassed by his unwanted game of “footsie”. She said she finally complained when the game of “footsie” turned into “penissie”.

Presidential daughter-in-law Lara Trump told Fox News that the ‘Kavanaugh effect’ is inspiring women to vote for Republicans. Asked what the ‘Kavanaugh effect’ means, she said it’s like Stockholm Syndrome, only you sympathize with your sexual assailant.

Tesla founder Elon Musk said that he’s launching ‘Teslaquila’, a new tequila brand.  You can drink it while the car drives itself.

Rihanna reportedly turned down an offer to perform at halftime of the 2019 Super Bowl. A source claims that it was a show of support for Colin Kaepernick, and also because producers wouldn’t guarantee they could hide the bag she needs to carry a tune.

Andrew Wallet, the conservator of Britney Spears’ estate, is demanding to be paid $426,000/year because he claims his fiscal management has kept Spears from drugs and other financial mistakes during her Las Vegas residency. He’s also seeking damages for pain & suffering from having to watch her shows so many times.

The NBA is reportedly fining players for getting visible tattoos of corporate logos. J.R. Smith and Lonzo Ball have been asked to cover their Supreme streetwear and Big Baller logo tatts, respectively, because neither are league sponsors. Another player was asked to cover his Payless Shoes logo because it’s just embarrassing.

The first U.S. case of Andes Virus has been recorded by the Centers for Disease Control. The virus is carried by rats and was contracted by a 29-year-old female hiker returning from the Andes region. U.S. customs officials are taking steps to screen travelers returning from the region – especially backpacking rats.