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Harrison Ford injured his shoulder rehearsing a fight scene for the upcoming Indiana Jones movie. Short Round’s jaw was unhurt.

The new CEO of Southwest Airlines said they’ll continue their policy of no fees for checked bags or ticket changes, saying they have dozens of other ways to piss off passengers.

Original Beach Boys member Mike Love said one of their classic love songs was inspired by a jar of honey in a cabinet. It was Beebara Ann.

MTV is reviving VH1’s ‘Behind The Music’, with episodes devoted to Duran Duran, New Kids On The Block, Ricky Martin, and others. An executive producer for the show said “for the last time, Color Me Badd, NO one cares”.

Britney Spears appeared in court via Zoom, asking a judge to end her conservatorship and allow her to manage her own money, since she’s mentally stable and mature. Spears testified for 20 minutes, the first 15 talking to a toaster oven.

Fast food restaurants are deemphasizing dollar menus, and pushing higher-priced burgers and ‘family meals’. Although so far, demand has been slow for McDonald’s 1000-piece McNuggets box.

The delta variant of COVID-19 has a new mutation called ‘delta plus’. It’s like the standard delta variant, only with more legroom.

Joe Biden nominated Cindy McCain to a United Nations post to combat global hunger. He then nominated Meghan McCain to bring Resting Bitch Face to women in third-world countries.

Google delayed its Chrome browser cookie-blocking privacy plan by 2 years, saying it needs more time to steal the personal information of people born in the next 2 years.

John McAfee, antivirus software mogul, was found dead of an apparent suicide in a Spanish jail before he was extradited to the U.S. to face tax evasion charges. Next to his body were 12 notes reading “WARNING! Your protection has expired!”

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Officials in Delaware report more cases of Vibrio vulnificus – a flesh-eating bacteria infecting those with open cuts swimming or wading at beaches. Officials say the problem is biggest in Delaware because bacteria there like to eat when they’re bored.

Nintendo will launch its newest mobile phone & tablet game, Dr. Mario World, on July 10th. They say revenue will come from in-game purchases and that, like many others, Dr. Mario will not accept new patients with Obamacare.

Federal agents seized 16 tons of cocaine at a shipping port in Philadelphia. There was so much, they asked Philadelphia International Airport baggage handlers to help move it – resulting in all evidence being lost or destroyed. C

The latest dating trend is “cookie jarring” – keeping a non-serious backup romance in a ‘cookie jar’ as a fallback while you pursue a first choice. Women especially dislike being kept in the cookie jar – while men are fine with it, provided the cookies come with sex.

Retired baseball star & convicted felon Lenny Dykstra was dumpster diving outside a Jersey Mike’s sub shop because he left his dentures in a napkin that the restaurant threw out. He was joined by other Jersey Mike’s customers looking for their lost self-respect.

Google announced a commitment to invest $1 billion in Bay Area, California to help build 15,000 new homes for low-to-medium income residents – so, anyone who only makes a half-million dollars a year.

Viral video captured the moment a flight attendant was slammed into the ceiling of a jet during severe turbulence en route from Kosovo to Switzerland. The flight attendant is said to be okay, while the passenger shooting the video still wants his damn Diet Coke.

Coca-Cola is holding a contest for the public to come up with its next flavor. The early frontrunner is Original Cocaine flavor, because they already have the recipe.

Brett Favre was trending on Twitter as rumors circulated about his coming out of retirement. He said he’s staying retired, but wanted everyone to know that he came up with the whole ‘show your penis to massage therapists’ thing long before Robert Kraft.

MTV announced the cancellation after one season of “Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club”, and that the Mykonos, Greece nightclub location for the show is closed. VH1 announced the premiere date for their new show, “Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club Is Closed”.